Glitch & Komako
14 year old Glitch, and Komako, the talking deer, must travel through a maze of unnerving, yet beautiful, interconnecting television worlds, in search of the one that resides in the human land, so Glitch can return home.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
We don’t need names in log lines. Check your paper for the loglines of movies on at the cinema now. You’ll notice most don’t have them. I’d rewrite it without the names as short as possible, with one adj. to describe the main character (s).
e.g A talking deer must help his friend through a maze of interconnecting television worlds in search of the one that resides in the human land so he can return home.
But don’t take my word for it, wait to see what other feedback you get too…
Nice idea tho. Is it a story you’re working on or have you already finished the script ?
Good advice, thanks! It’s interesting that you took the deer as the main character. I hadn’t really considered that, I like it.
It’s an interactive animation series for an ipad. I’ve written a script for ep.1, but it’s still a working progress!
Thanks for the feedback 🙂
This sounds like a story with promise and I like Filmstar’s comment but the one thing that pulled me up was “television worlds” and “human land”. Upon reading it I feel a bit… ungrounded?… as to where I am and where the characters are from. If they are wandering around ‘television worlds’ that are NOT in ‘human land’ are these tv programs that were produced by aliens and watched on different planets? Are they ‘television worlds’ inhabited only by deer and other animals? Does that mean animals are watching those programs and making them? I’m confused. I guess context is missing for me. A mentor showing a lost hero through the background worlds of tv shows and movies in search of his own though sounds very intriguing. Novel idea! 🙂