Blood & Stone
70,000 years ago a young female hunter is elected to lead her tribe out of Africa. Death, starvation, wild animals and other humans all stand between them and the arc of history.
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Wow this has the power to be an epic film. And given the current trend, having a strong female protagonist is an add on.
Currently your logline brings across the world of this story quite well. The challenge for you is to flesh out the people of the world starting with the protagonist. Is it a norm to have a female leader during that time? Or is the protagonist an exception. Is she strong but temperamental? Is she cunning and brutal when it comes to doing the right thing? Give us her personality in two words, if possible.
What will happen if she isn’t successful in leading them to safety (stakes). Another thing that needs clarification is why is this relevant to the ark of history? Are they the last known group of human inhabitants or something else? If so you need to put that in the logline.
As mentioned above, it helps if you give an idea of how the protagonist is strong yet flawed for this task. Because that’s what gets the reader hooked to the logline- the internal bet that the reader places on the outcome.
For instance, if you say she’s strong but manipulative- it means that at one point she will lead her group to safety by lying to them which will get her in trouble and raise the question of morality. This way you don’t need to say any of that in the logline but by the use of the word manipulative, you drive the reader to fill in the blanks. Just my 2 cents.
Good luck.
Ok thanks both, good points. I’ve updated the logline and added a new one. Let me know what you think.
there is not an exciting set up nor any payoff, and what is the arc of history mean here, it does’t add anything, the concept is not clear. example, give me something extraordinary that she does that makes them select her? is there something that they do or overcome that makes them stand out above everyone else? it could be something they do as a group, then something the female hunter does too, that contributes to them stepping ahead in history..forging ahead…the driving force….the edge….amidst the horrendous conditions that surrounds them! hope this helps, make me more excited, so i want to come and see this movie….
I really dig this.
It has the simplicity, yet the extreme primal stakes of APOCALYPTO, which I thought was terrific. On the other hand, check out other exodus stories… They are a hard slog and often don’t work at the box office, even in the hands of Disney (Dinosaur). But as I said: I’m inspired and I would like to see this.
Still, I would like to see a goal that is more specific than ‘the arc of history’.
There is also an opportunity to give the ‘other humans’ faces. What are the enemies trying to do that would stop our female hunter?
And can you give us something more about the female hunter? What are her strengths and weaknesses?
Keen to see a follow-up logline!
Happy loglining!