Penpusher
Posted: 2017-03-18T15:28:38+10:00 In:

A 18 years young guy, who lost his college camera ,which he need to submit in college next day, A camera which has a legacy & his short film. How he got back his camera back

A 18 years young guy, who lost his college camera ,which he need to submit in college next day, A camera which has a legacy & his short film. How he got back his camera back
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      English may not be the mother tongue in this case, but it’s still worth while dedicating a little more time on the sentence construct to make the logline read better than it is – check out Richiev’s post.

      Agreed with DPG, the stakes seem underwhelming.

      In addition, the inciting incident needs specifying – what event caused him to lose the camera? Was it a drinking competition? A brawl in a pub?

      Lastly the age is not critical to the plot and can be cut from the logline.

      It may be useful for you to check out the formula tab on the top bar.

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    2. Singularity

      “When he loses the camera which he shot his finals project, a student director must retrace his steps from the crazy night before to find it or fail the class and lose his scholarship.”

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    3. Singularity

      What are the stakes? ?Losing the camera is an embarrassing and inconvenient, but ultimately what does he stand to lose if he fails to find the camera? ?Why MUST he find the camera? ?How does his future prospects hang in the balance?

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