A animal activist discovers human experiments not animal during a raid. She must survive murderous security to rescue a test subject and tell the world the truth.
CraigDGriffithsUberwriter
A animal activist discovers human experiments not animal during a raid. She must survive murderous security to rescue a test subject and tell the world the truth.
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It feels as if the goal doesn’t match up to the inciting incident. In the best of stories the tension rises over the coarse of the plot, in this instance it doesn’t read as such.
Perhaps she needs to stop the bad guys herself instead of just telling the world the truth.
Secondly “…must survive murderous security…” is too generic a description for her main action why not make her get involved as a test patient or apply for a job as a lab assist.
It would read better if there was a sadistic scientist she would be up against or any character to that matter with a disturbing tendency that can make them unique. The antagonist description will make her story more interesting and her challenge greater.
What if she breaks in to liberate animals, is captured, becomes herself a human guinea pig?? Now the issue and the stakes are more personal.
Dpg that is a great point I could use as the lowest point in the story.
i think of the as a contained version of Duel, an inciting incident that kicks off a massive series of action events. ?I haven’t even considered character traits or flaws yet. ?It is a pure action concept.
Nir you are moving it towards drama, which my normal favourite, but this is my Die Hard. ?She may even take out the main bad guy. ?There could be the opportunity for her to think she’ll give them a chance to change for the greater good, then be doubled crossed. ?This is just a helicopter view of a concept.
thanks for the help folks.
Hello, I love the idea of an animal activist who discover human experiments. This is an excellent initial situation in my opinion. I like the character of an animal activist.?I think many things can happens and everything in one night raid (one action time set). It starts with an “easy” mission (to sneak in a makeup factory or whatever).?A group of activists. A clear turning point : there are humans experiments, a choice : to leave or trying to save a victim (a kid?) – the activists are killed one by one by the security. The mains characters may reach the lowest point when they are both kidnapped by the security. Then they escape and finally succed (or not).
Besides, I encourage you to work more on the logline format.
Thanks FFF.
loglines are my weakest skill. I’ll give it go and repost soon. ?But you have outlined the story in a nutshell. ?The human can be anyone. ?Different people bring different things.
Another female, she could see how it could be her, just some bad choices. Or a guy (my less favourite) but could have some romantic elements. ?Or as you say the kid, which will bring out more fear in the audience as a kid always seems defenceless.