11:54
Alan SmitheePenpusher
A boy’s confusing existence is spent with a group of his closest friends. Dying to understand his journey, he realizes where it started.
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Ok, explain the premise, please.
This is very ominous. Please give more detail.
Actually, first what’s the goal of the main character? It has to be tangible. I’d give a suggestion, but what you’ve left is so vague that it’s hard to give you even that.
Great suggestions guys! I believe I may be writing more on the “marketing” side here..and didn’t mean to. You pointed out what I didn’t notice!
The boy’s goal is to live with passion and ultimate bliss, although he is setback by not understanding his place in life and how he got to the point he is at. He knows however that he is on a specific, and important journey.
Should I say the character’s name, instead of “a boy’s”?
You don’t need to give the characters name in a logline. Still, living with passion and bliss isn’t a tangible goal. You can’t measure that. Films are about did he or did he not. What is going to have to do to get his bliss? Does he have to obtain a certain item that will give him bliss? If so, you could do a thing like he gets the object, but realizes it wasn’t the object he was looking for, it was the journey that got him the object that gave him is bliss.
I was told not to mention the name of any character in the log line. I would suggest fixing an age for this person in question. I would also suggest making it a spiritual journey / quest. That is what it sounds like to me.
I’ll take that advice on the name, thanks!! And the goal is really hard for this idea, because the platform is a mini series..and the journey may end up more important than the item, but I may need to think of an item to make it a more concrete thing. Not eve an item – but an event, preparation for the event. I’m working on it.
Ok, let’s reak this down.
A boy?s confusing existence (Why is his existence confusing? Why does he believe that it is? Do others share his belief?) is spent with a group of his closest friends. Dying (Is he at death?s door? ) to understand his journey, he realizes where it started.
Hey Presario, I hate to ask while reviewing someone else’s line, but could you give mine a look at? it’s the one under this.
Sterling, although you may plan for a miniseries. You still have to have something concrete. You may even want to work on a spec script before coming to a whole series.
I’m not sure if you’re a beginner writer or not, and if not, I don’t mean to offend, but if you want I can recommend some books on writing. Just so you can see how the plot structure plays out.
I’ve found that knowing how it all culminates is important to knowing how to try to piece even the plot out.
What am I looking for?
I posted a log line for review. It’s the one about the exonerated killer hunting down the jury members who convicted him. Sorry, Sterling asking on your logline.
Oh, Ok.
That’s fine! This is my very first time by the way writing a logline. So, this is obviously going to take some help :)! I’m new to all of this, but I need to learn about it all so that I can understand how to advance my idea.
Here’s what I know:
I need a goal for this character. A tangible goal, and I think I may know of one now.
And that logline needs to convey what I feel when I think of the story. Every word counts.
How about something along the lines of..
“A boy’s existence gets confusing when a group of his friends interrupt his plans to find his dad. Dying to understand his journey, he realizes where it started.”
Well, in the final analysis, the story is up to you. However, I would suggest answering the questions that I suggested to help you out.
A boy?s confusing existence (Why is his existence confusing? Why does he believe that it is? Do others share his belief?) is spent with a group of his closest friends. Dying (Is he at death?s door? ) to understand his journey, he realizes where it started.
So, should I leave out the word ‘confusing’ instead? Or say something like, “A boy’s confusing existence..due to..” (and should I really explain?) and I wanted ‘dying’ to be a play on words..both like “I’m dying to eat!” and literally dying.
For what I’ve found you don’t want to use fluff words, but finding his dad is a great goal. It’s very tangible. It’s does he or does he not. I think it does leave a lot of room for exploring his mental illness as well (cause that’s what it seems like he’s struggling with.)
I came across a commercial that included a voice over quoting a poem.
I looked up the poem and it was used in a movie called “Dead Poet’s Society”.
This might give you some inspiration. It is certainly giving me some ideas.
O Me! O Life!
O Me! O Life!
By Walt Whitman 1819?1892 Walt Whitman
Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill?d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew?d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring?What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here?that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Quotes from “Dead Poet’s Society”. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097165/quotes
Not a logline. Not even really a concept. This is what I know about your film:
Your main character is a boy.
He has some friends.
That’s it. What is his goal? What are the stakes? Who is trying to stop him? What is the event that kicks it all off? Is “boy” the most descriptive you can get about your character? What’s his flaw?