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AvakasLogliner
Posted: November 7, 20172017-11-07T23:38:41+10:00 2017-11-07T23:38:41+10:00In: War

A British Major and aristocrat must team up with a vulgar guerilla leader in order to blow up a bridge in Nazi occupied Greece. Based on a true story.

A British Major and aristocrat must team up with a vulgar guerilla leader in order to blow up a bridge in Nazi occupied Greece. Based on a true story.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2017-11-10T03:02:08+10:00Added an answer on November 10, 2017 at 3:02 am

      Maybe something like:

      The true story of an aristocratic British major and a vulgar guerrilla leader who team up to choke off supplies to Rommel’s army in North Africa by destroying strategic railroad bridges in Nazi occupied Greece.
      (35 words)

      I tweaked it a little because given how mountainous the landscape of Greece is, I imagine that there were many bridges that would have been targets for sabotage.? If, however, they teamed up only to target the most important one, the one that would be hardest for the Nazis to rebuild, then amend accordingly.

      fwiw

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    2. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-11-09T17:42:31+10:00Added an answer on November 9, 2017 at 5:42 pm

      DPG’s re write is very good, I’d add that it could change the outcome of the war.

      Based on a true story, an aristocratic British major and a vulgar guerilla leader together must blow up a bridge, in Nazi occupied Greece, that could change the outcome of WW2.

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2017-11-08T07:54:56+10:00Added an answer on November 8, 2017 at 7:54 am

      Based upon a true story, an aristocratic British major must team up with a vulgar guerilla leader to blow up a key bridge in Nazi occupied Greece.”
      (27 words)

      I’m assuming that “British major and aristocrat” are descriptive terms for the same person.

      I would lead off with “Based upon a true story”.? And I would append a ticking clock to heighten the sense of dramatic urgency and import.? They must blow up the bridge before… before what?

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    4. Richiev Singularity
      2017-11-08T07:33:22+10:00Added an answer on November 8, 2017 at 7:33 am

      If you tell us they ‘must’ blow up the bridge, you might want to tell us why (Briefly)? Are the Germans planning an offensive? Is the bridge being used to resupply the army? There should be an immediacy; a dire situation where If they don’t blow up the bridge within X amount of time (This bad thing will happen)

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    5. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-11-08T02:56:16+10:00Added an answer on November 8, 2017 at 2:56 am

      This Force 10 from Navarone?

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