Posted: 2012-07-18T08:07:44+10:00 In:

A chaotic and self-hating mob family has to join forces to counter a neurotic cop who\'s showing too much interest in their affairs.

i do hope it’s all in the logline 🙂

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    4 Reviews

    1. great feedback Andrew and Phoopes! thank you very much! i’ll take note of it!

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    2. The term “join forces” is a little confusing to me. A family should “come together” because you don’t have two opposing forces that must join in the first part of that sentence…

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    3. Logliner

      I forgot to add also, the inciting incident? What happens to make our hero realise change is needed, or something happened out of his control?

      fill out the elements below, maybe it will make your logline more clearer.

      Protag- ?
      Antag- Cop or family member?
      Goal- Reconnect family to protect affairs
      Inner Conflict- family members
      Outer Conflict- the police
      Irony- family working with cops??
      Hook- ?
      Genre- ?

      Again hope this helps, best of luck.

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    4. Logliner

      Good idea, Radu. I like it.
      I might make a few suggestions:

      For the Protagonist maybe focus on one character in the mob instead of a group (the one guy who knows they need to come together to become a family etc)

      Also give the hero a fault or flaw, something that he needs to over come to protect his family or their affairs (unless his/her family is the flaw?)

      What are “their” affairs? to us that could be anything? Family, Money, robbery? We need to know the stakes, are the stakes big enough to cripple the entire family?

      I assume the cop is the antagonist and not someone else in the family?
      (a family member who wants the family to remain the way it is “chaotic self hating…working with the cop perhaps?)

      Radu, I hope this has helped in someway. Best of luck.

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