Uberwriter
Posted: 2015-05-24T07:37:07+10:00 In:

A childless woman gets a "wrong number" call from a kidnapper who has her son. She must trying and rescue the child before the kidnappers carry out their threats.

Wrong number

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    12 Reviews

    1. How about this, Craig:

      ‘A childless woman gets a “wrong number” call from a kidnapper who claims to have her son, thereby becoming the only person with any chance of rescuing an unknown child before the kidnappers carry out their threats.’

      I like your story idea.

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    2. Singularity

      Better to specify the inciting incident as being done by the antagonist.
      i.e:
      After a kidnapper mistakes a woman for being the taken child’s mother she must rescue the boy before the criminal carries out his threat.

      Hope this helps.

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    3. Uberwriter

      PS this was that I thinking of expanding on a short I wrote for a friend. . Here is a single POV version for tone and mood. Thanks as always.

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    4. Singularity

      She’s childless but kidnappers have her son???

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    5. Uberwriter

      Hence “wrong number”.

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    6. Singularity

      Still confusing.

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    7. Samurai

      I agree with dpg — as presented the logline is confusing. I do like the concept though, and Lee Brooks’ attempt is pretty good, albeit a bit lengthy (and “Thereby becoming…” feels a bit clumsy…)

      What about:

      “A bereaved mother finds herself as lead negotiator with a deranged kidnapper who believes that she is the mother of the child he has kidnapped when he mistakenly dials her number.”

      best of luck with it.

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    8. Uberwriter

      I always have trouble with wording.

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    9. Uberwriter

      What about.

      Mistaken as the boy’s mother, a woman must try and rescue the boy before the kidnappers carry out their threats.

      Shorter and to the point. The link to the video in my first comment shows the panic I was hoping to get across.

      Thanks everyone.

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    10. Uberwriter

      Tada, that’s the wording. I can create story, my command of the language fails me in the logline arena.

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    11. Penpusher

      I would totally watch/read this.

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    12. Uberwriter

      There is a link in my first comment that goes to YouTube showing the start of the scene. Veronica did it in two parts. She wanted a rehearsal price, which is how this idea started.

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