Mentor
Posted: 2015-04-24T19:19:53+10:00 In:

When a disgraced former agent starts seeing a hallucination claiming to be a AI downloaded into his mind, he must team with his secretive partner to stop the agent’s former clandestine agency from activating a devastating machine the AI’s designed to protect.

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    7 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      What is the inciting incident? What makes the programme suddenly need to merge minds and shutdown the other software?

      Perhaps:

      After a malicious software threatens to replace a computer programme the program develops artificial intelligence and must fight for its own existence.

      Regarding the MC as an “?it?” seriously de personalises the read I think better to anthropomorphise the programme if t is to be the MC. Since it is fighting for its own survival it is self aware and therefore needs to have a personality and flaw. Can you describe the flaw and add it to the logline?

      Hope this helps.

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    2. Singularity

      Why would a computer program select a loser to save itself?

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    3. What’s at stake? This seems like a problem we all face. Get an anti-virus program. Problem fixed.

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    4. Mentor

      I wasn’t sure if I should put that in the logline or save it for the story

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    5. Mentor

      Thanks that helps a lot. I’ll look to make some tweaks

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    6. Always include the stakes, or at least a hint, in the logline.

      Your story is broad and could be anything. Including the following:

      When a low-ranking agent discovers a computer plot to destroy the country, he struggles to stop the malicious software after his agency job is abruptly terminated.

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    7. Singularity

      In the current re draft of the logline (which was posted as an edited replacement of the original post) the first sentence: “?When the government reactivates a long lost Cold War computer, two competing A.Is emerge?” describes backstory instead of an inciting incident.

      The reason this is not the inciting incident is because the MC “…an unfinished, self doubting A.I ?” begins his or her existence from the supposed inciting incident onwards reactivating the computer.

      The nature of an inciting incident is to cause a sudden significant change in the life of the MC and force them to take action. By virtue of being bought into existence by the supposed inciting incident the MC is thrust into action. If the audience is viewing this from the dramatic point of view of the MC, then being in conflict with the other AI is the normal existence for the AI. Therefore an inciting incident would need to be a significant event that dramatically changes this norm for the MC and forces him to try and fix things.

      Further more this logline describes a situation of conflict as appose to a plot because the MC has no clear goal. By this I mean it is understood that the good AI will want to stop the bad AI and save the world but it is not specified.

      Also stopping the bad guy or AI such as in Virtuosity is a vague goal in its own right because it has become a stock standard ambition for most good guys by now; James Bond, Austen Powers and Superman as examples. What exactly will the good AI do to achieve his goal? This could help differentiate between his story and other good guys stories.

      Lastly what is his personalty flaw as a fully fledged AI he should have a personality and as a self-aware being he needs to have a journey of change, what is his hero’s journey?

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