A corrupt PR agent flees to his sleepy hometown after inheriting his father’s derelict hotel and unites with the mischievous ghost of his suicidal first guest to scare off a vindictive property developer.
gvcool2Penpusher
A corrupt PR agent flees to his sleepy hometown after inheriting his father’s derelict hotel and unites with the mischievous ghost of his suicidal first guest to scare off a vindictive property developer.
Share
“Scare off” ?seems incomplete and negative in terms of an objective goal. ?So he scares the developer off. ?Then what? What’s at stake? ?What is his objective goal beyond scaring off the developer?
Since he’s corrupt, why wouldn’t he take the money from the developer and run? ?Why would he want the hassle of dealing with a mischievous ghost?
I would drop the part about fleeing to his hometown, unless you are going to tell us what he is fleeing from.
I would begin the logline something like this.
“When he inherits a haunted hotel, a sleazy PR agent must…”
One more thing.
Since your lead character is a PR agent. I would use that in the script and logline.
His hotel is losing money because it is haunted… So as a PR agent, he uses his PR skills to convince people to stay at the hotel.
That way his job and skills would match the problem.
I don’t see a catalyst for the story in the logline. Inheriting a hotel doesn’t sound like a highly motivating, if at all, event that would make him want to achieve a goal. The hotel would have to bare some form of personal stakes for the MC, or else why would he do anything outside of sell the property for what it’s worth?
Who is the protagonist? If he’s corrupt why should we root for him — because the bad guys worse? It sounds like the property developer is just trying to do his job and is getting haunted by a suicidal ghost, in comedy you can get away with having some assholes as your lead (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Superbad) but they need to either be sympathetic or have a moral compass in the form of a sidekick. I don’t see any of that here. Hope this helps.