This is a screenplay that I’m currently writing called Bicurious.
A dedicated and passionate elementary school teacher attempts to win over his female co-worker but a sexual experience forced upon by a guy challenges everything in his life.
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Good setup for an interesting character drama.
Where in the story does the gay experience happen? If it is the mid point, I think it can work. If it is the inciting incident, it may be too much of an inner journey.
As long as the teacher is trying to get the girl, he has a clear goal. But what is he trying to achieve after the experience other than trying to ‘figure things out’ (inner journey)?
The gay experience is in the inciting incident. It’s a bit of an inner journey but there is a lot of action that shows that. I guess I’ll just explain the story. His childhood friend visits for a couple of days in town so the protagonist visits him. Long story short, he childhood friend gives him a blowjob by force. That’s the inciting incident. The protagonist comes to terms with this because deep down he actually liked it.
Act two starts after answering a sex ad on craigslist that his roommates were looking at, making fun of those people that post the ads. The protagonist meets this stranger from the ad to get a blowjob but chickens out at the last minute. The guy he meets gives him a bj anyway.
The protagonist also has a girlfriend and his female co-worker is married so maybe I should include the protagonists girlfriend in the logline as well since she is an antagonist? He also doesn’t really love his girlfriend but pursues the relationship anyway. He thinks he loves her but he really doesn’t. He just doesn’t want to be alone.
The midpoint in the story is when he discovers that the guy he met through the craigslist ad is really the female co-workers/teachers husband.
I’m a little confused when you ask what does he try to achieve after the experience? He realizes that he isn’t gay and that he really does love his co-worker/teacher.
It’s also a comedy. I’m not sure how to portray that in the logline though.
I’d like to hear some comments from other readers. For me, it doesn’t work.
“He also doesn?t really love his girlfriend but pursues the relationship anyway. He thinks he loves her but he really doesn?t. He just doesn?t want to be alone.” This signals a passive protagonist, trying to figure out inner conflict.
Characters who don’t know what they really want and aren’t really pursuing anything are hard to portray believably. Audiences don’t relate to them easily.
Also, unless you play the comedy really well, the blowjob scenes may be too much of a cringe factor for the (non-gay) male audience.
In any case, the logline remains too vague and from what you say, the story doesn’t offer much of a focused alternative.
But that’s my opinion. I’d love to hear what others think.
The way it’s written, you don’t see the blowjob actually happening. It’s more or less implied or you might hear some moaning sounds for a couple of seconds. You never see it happening though. I just want to make that clear. He also isn’t gay. He’s bicurious, hence the name of the script. I guess not everyone will know what that means but there is a point early on the script where it’s explained to some extent.
As for me, I can relate to this character and this is a story I am passionate about. This character is at an odd moment in his life and he does want to be with his co-teacher. So he does know what he wants. He just has insecurities and obstacles he has to face.
Whether this sells, gets made, etc. doesn’t really matter to me right now. I know it’s an odd concept that not everyone will get but the way it’s written, it’s done in a commercial, humurous way where the reader, I think will enjoy it.
I’m still working on it and having a goal to finish by the end of next month.
But I am curious to know what others think as well.
I do agree with you that maybe there is an issue because it is an inner conflict more than an outer conflict. Perhaps that is something I need to reconsider.
I do appreciate your feedback. Thanks.
While the storyline could work, I don’t believe it’s enough by itself. The logline is so generalized and vague, it could be describing almost any love triangle. The only thing specifically mentioned is that he is a teacher. And this tells us little.
It sounds more like a B story. There needs to be more. Some sort of hook to differentiate this from other stories. To make it stand out. Something else going on, and more at stake. His job maybe?
I find myself thinking that I don’t really care if he works it out or not. So why would I watch it?
I think Paul nailed it to me. I guess the main issue with this concept is that it is too much of an inner journey and that there isn’t enough to make this an A story.
It’s interesting because to me, I’m actually interested in the B story.
This has been a good lesson in what not to do when writing a script in the beginning phase so I’m glad I posted this logline and discovered this website.
I have been struggling with the concept of this idea and the points above explain why. I do want to finish this since I started it anyway and just move on to something else with a protagonist that has more of an outer journey next time. I feel like I have stronger ideas for screenplays anyway and this has really been an eye opener for me.
Paul Clarke. In the lowest point, the protagonist does lose his job and his reputation over it, plus he hurts others in the process.
Why do I keep getting negative responses on my comments? I said that I agree with Paul. Shouldn’t that answer be considered helpful?
“A dedicated and passionate elementary school teacher attempts to win over his female co-worker but a sexual experience forced upon by a guy challenges everything in his life.”
This doesn’t work for me. For one, it doesn’t clearly imply on whom the sexual experience was forced upon. The teacher? or his female co-worker? I find it interesting that Karel assumes the experience is a gay one forced upon the male teacher, while I assumed it was a rape forced upon the co-worker. And if we’re talking about rape, while not say rape instead of “a sexual experience forced upon.” ? Obviously, this isn’t a kiddies movie so we don’t need to worry about using delicate language.
Love forces a sensitive teacher to confront his traumatic sexual past.
It’s not a rape. Perhaps my logline isn’t clear right now but yes, it is the male teacher. I think that part was clear.
I saw that. I have no clue…
I have actually been systematically undoing the negatives by adding my positive vote.
But I don’t think I can stop this behaviour, even as an admin.
I’d say don’t worry about it. Whoever is having fun doing this will ultimately give up.
My main response to the logline is that it seems a bit cliche. We’ve seen so many indies with the theme of gay or not gay, that I wonder what’s new here. The title “Bicurious” is a little cliche as well, but could work on a comedy. I’m not sure why it has to be a rape when he gets the bj, and it concerns me that you are backing away from the action. If it’s a positive experience, the decision is more difficult and less predictable when the protagonist chooses the woman. I also agree that the main character needs an outward goal that mirrors his inner journey.
I think you should be careful that you have the right genre. If you can’t figure out how to make your logline reveal the comedy, then most likely the same problem exists in the script. It sounds like this is a story you need to tell, and I think all screenwriters start out with one like that. You might have to just let the story tell you what it is, so you can tell it honestly. At least, that was my experience. Good luck with it.
What do you think of this logline? I added an outer goal and changed some stuff around for the story.
A dedicated, passionate male teacher who is about to marry his long time girlfriend suddenly gets his world thrown upside down when his sexuality is challenged by the new male student teacher that was recently hired.
Your premise has vanished. You have it in your original logline (attempts to win over his female co-worker).
You could say: “Has to keep his Bi-curious past from his fiance he’s about to marry” Just a suggestion, this all still new to me.
“sexual experience forced upon by a guy” Kinda sounds like rape… although rape is such a harsh word, but it sounds like rape too me.
Don’t need passionate or dedicated …….maybe
A teacher is attracted to a co-worker but is hindered by a past intimate experience.
For what it’s worth BI CURIOUS is a great title. I dare say it would sell better if the protagonist was female, though 😉 (I think the grammar in your logline being clearer would help a lot).