Penpusher
Posted: 2013-03-05T01:22:28+10:00 In:

A desperate griffin fights through a horde of zombies to capture the only thing that will return his family?s honor, an immune human.

Council of Blood: Wildfire

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    4 Reviews

    1. I could see this being made into a movie!

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    2. Penpusher

      “Never give up, Never surrender!”

      I just finished the outline for the screenplay and I”m very happy with it.. so making sure I get the logline perfect is important. Thanks for all the feedback.

      I’m still racking my brain for the easiest way to describe my main character. I have though about saying eagle-human hybrid even though that’s not completely accurate in the story, it would serve for the logline. I also keep coming back to wanting to point out that he’s a soldier or operative… but it’s hard without becoming too complex.

      It would have been easier if i had made the MC a vampire or werewolf… but I’ll keep trying..

      “Working for a secret monster society, a driven operative fights through a horde of zombies to secure the one thing that could return his family’s honor, a cure. “

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    3. I like it. Much clearer. Just a couple of suggestions.

      “immune human” may leave the question, immune from what? I’d think most would assume you’re talking about the zombie plague, but it might not be completely obvious. Maybe the “immunity” could be dropped from the logline and left to be revealed in your script, using words like, “sole surviving” or “last” or even “living.”

      I’m not sure how much information I am bringing from reading your previous versions. I know what you mean when you write “desperate griffin.” I’m not sure if it would be clear to someone reading your logline for the first time. I am wondering if it is clear that you literally talking about the mythological griffin. Actually, instead of saying “desperate” (since it is assumed, given it has to fight through a horde of zombies), maybe say, “mythological” or “genetically engineered, or whatever this creature is.

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    4. Samurai

      Loving the persistance mate.
      The link between how and why the human could have any influence on his family’s honor is just not clear, and as a result the logline leaves you scratching your head a little bit. Other than that it’s tight and all the piece are coming together. I’m just not certain whether or not this logline is going to catch people’s interest without a little more clarity.

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