Penpusher
Posted: 2017-04-28T10:31:10+10:00 In:

A Estranged Father is kidnapped by his business partner in NYC, He must escape to reconcile with his kids or die regarding in a small old apartment.

Drama / Thriller

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    3 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      This is a step forward. It is in the present tense and the lead has a goal. Much better

      However; I am confused about the part where you wrote “…or die regarding in a small old apartment”. I am not sure what that means. If it’s important to the plot you should re-word it. If not I would drop that part.

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      I think this was a mistake and the word was supposed to be “….regretting…”

      Escaping a kidnapping is fine but not enough – it’s too vague a description as an escape can mean any number of things. What will he do specifically? How will he achieve his goal of freedom?

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    3. Best Answer
      Logliner

      I just have some questions and food for thought, not necessarily to include?in the logline but about the plot which may inform the reworking of the logline…

      * I wouldn’t have the word ‘estranged’ as the second word or as a description of the main character. It seems out of place here, (but I understand that you are trying to set up the fact that the man has issues with his kids).
      * Why is the father kidnapped by his business partner? Does the business partner have any connection to the father’s kids and why he is estranged?
      * He needs to escape regardless whether he needs to reconcile with his kids or not, however, is he racing against time? Does he have a small window of opportunity to see his kids and if he doesn’t do it in that time then all will be lost?

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