The Devil’s Score
bondthewriterPenpusher
A fast-talking drifter recruits a supernatural team to help him steal Pandora?s Box from Lucifer, in order to be reinstated as heaven?s Angel of Darkness.
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I’ve seen some of your other versions of this log line and I would say this one is more to the point and doesn’t over explain, however I’m unsure why him being ‘fast-talking’ will have any relevance and think a different adjective should be used here, perhaps something that fits in with the tone. A much better attempt though.
REMEMBER GSU
G = Goal
S = Stakes
U = Urgency
In an Indiana Jones movies, we don’t know if or what the object is until the end.
What if the drifter is trying to steal Lucifers soul?
Theres nothing the drifter is risking to make this happen. Why does he need to be reinstated?
He already doesn’t have the box and it comes across that he is doing it because he feels like it.
What if someone close to the drifter is at stake? This ups the ante and makes us cheer for him.
There is currently no urgency.
What if he isn’t reinstated, what is the outcome? Is it life changing? World changing?
“After his daughter is sent to hell, a fast-talking drifter must steal Lucifers soul to become the next lord of hell and free her before the next full moon.”
This is a quick example to demonstrate.
I like the title and you have the start of a good concept. WIth a little work it could be great.
Hope this helps 😀
The supernatural team… Are they all fallen angels? Do they wanna be reinstated?
An ambitious fallen angel recruits other fallen angels to help steal whats most precious to Lucifer in order to bargain their return….
Just a thot…
I love the idea. A supernatural version of Ocean’s 11, Magnificent-Seven-Samurai.
I like this idea. It is close to something I would likely read in novel form as well.