A fireman is haunted by the flaming ghost of a man he failed to save from a burning building as it starts burning the survivors to death.

I’m confused. What are your referring to when you say “…as it starts burning the survivors to death”? Is the ghost burning them?

First thing to do is to not repeat words in a logline, if at all possible. You use “burning” twice.

Starting off with “As”, “When” or “After” are usually good ideas in loglines, as it helps the reader understand the main elements you’ll need to cover.

The fireman is the protag, and the ghost is the antag. I am assuming the goal of the protag is to stop the ghost from burning survivors. His obstacle is that it’s a ghost, and that he’s haunted by the ghost because it was someone he failed to save.

But what is at stake for the fireman? This is what’s missing. If he doesn’t stop the ghost, so what? People are killed. It doesn’t affect him, personally. So, you have to devise a way of cranking up the conflict a bit, increase the stakes.

What if, for example, he married one of the survivors of that fire, and she’s the mother of his kids, with a belly of twins on the way? NOW, you have a personal stake in the game.

I endured one such horrific incident in my previous career in law enforcement, and while the haunting memory does dissipate over time, it doesn’t ever go away completely. It’s an interesting concept. I’m hoping the genre is supernatural/fantasy/drama, as that is what it portrays.

Hope this helped.

Geno Scala (judge)