Sign Up Sign Up

Captcha Click on image to update the captcha.

Have an account? Sign In Now

Sign In Sign In

Forgot Password?

If you'd like access, Sign Up Here

Forgot Password Forgot Password

Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.

Captcha Click on image to update the captcha.

Have an account? Sign In Now

Sorry, you do not have permission to ask a question, You must login to ask a question.

Forgot Password?

To see everything, Sign Up Here

Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.

Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.

Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.

Logline It! Logo Logline It! Logo
Sign InSign Up

Logline It!

Logline It! Navigation

  • Sign Up
  • Logline Generator
  • Learn our simple Logline Formula
  • Search Loglines
Search
Post Your Logline

Mobile menu

Close
Post Your Logline
  • Signup
  • Sign Up
  • Logline Generator
  • Learn our simple Logline Formula
  • Search Loglines
naghuntdworldLogliner
Posted: March 1, 20162016-03-01T19:59:09+10:00 2016-03-01T19:59:09+10:00In: Drama

A retired undefeated boxing champion William leads a simple life after losing all his money and a former boxing champion Michael insults him in a live press conference which leads the battle between their sons as they become rivals. The outcome of the battle leads Michael to challenge William to fight him in the ring and he accepts it.

A retired undefeated boxing champion William leads a simple life after losing all his money and a former boxing champion Michael insults him in a live press conference which leads the battle between their sons as they become rivals. The outcome of the battle leads Michael to challenge William to fight him in the ring and he accepts it.
  • 0
  • 3 3 Reviews
  • 937 Views
  • 0 Followers
  • 0
Share
  • Facebook

    Post a review
    Cancel reply

    You must login to add an answer.

    Forgot Password?

    To see everything, Sign Up Here

    3 Reviews

    • Voted
    • Oldest
    • Recent
    1. Best Answer
      Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-03-04T09:46:06+10:00Added an answer on March 4, 2016 at 9:46 am

      The main character’s identity is not clear.

      This story could be about either one of the former boxing champs or either one of their sons. You need to pick one of the four characters you currently have in your logline and re draft the logline to focus on him achieving a goal, otherwise the logline doesn’t describe a plot.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    2. Best Answer
      Richiev Singularity
      2016-03-02T12:55:35+10:00Added an answer on March 2, 2016 at 12:55 pm

      It would help if you distinguish the protagonist from the antagonist.

      Protagonist: A former boxing champion
      Antagonist: A former boxing champion

      Or

      at least consolidate.

      “When their son’s square off, two former boxing rival’s….

      Hope that helps.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    3. Best Answer
      Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-03-02T09:28:28+10:00Added an answer on March 2, 2016 at 9:28 am

      The wording in this logline is confusing.

      “…the outcome of the battle between them leads their fathers to fight in the ring.”
      Who’s father’s the boxing champion’s or the boxing champion’s children?

      Secondly using the description ‘heir’ in a logline comes across as an attempt to increase the stakes via the use of semantics alone and therefore the stakes are very low. Heir suggests that the characters are meant to inherit a large estate or control over a land. As the boxers are still alive and well, their kids won’t get anything for a long time and at most they will get their fathers money after they die. Point is using heir is redundant best to chaneg it to their children, kids, sons or daughters.

      It isn’t clear who the main character is, it could be the boxing champ that insults or the boxing champ that is being insulted. The logline doesn’t describe a main character and specific goal, without a plot it’s difficult to tell what the story.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp

    Sidebar

    Stats

    • Loglines 7,997
    • Reviews 32,189
    • Best Reviews 629
    • Users 3,710

    screenwriting courses

    Adv 120x600

    aalan

    Explore

    • Signup

    Footer

    © 2022 Karel Segers. All Rights Reserved
    With Love from Immersion Screenwriting.