Penpusher
Posted: 2012-09-06T17:48:59+10:00 In:

A frustrated team rider takes skateboarding distributor hostage , demanding a better deal , forced to fight he must evade capture escaping police.

Skate or Die

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    3 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      Hey, Alex. Alex m here. I’m new at this but I thinbk you need to revisit your log line.
      Should it read:
      A frustrated team rider takes-A- skateboarding distributor hostage , demanding a better deal , forced to fight he must evade capture -BY THE police

      As you have written it its too confusing.

      What do you mean by frustrated?
      Sexually? Something to do with skateboards? Distribution?
      Maybe you should choose a better adjective that jives with your story.
      Did the distributor rip him off? If so, then maybe a cheated skateboarder?

      Why is he forced to fight? What happened? Why is he in trouble with the police?
      He is either avoiding capture (arrest) or is escaping (had been arrested).

      If I knew more about your story- I could give you a suggestion:

      (Again I don’t know the stakes of your character which we MUST know in a log line)
      But try:
      When a manic team rider takes a skateboarding distributor hostage , after it leads to an accidental tragic death, he is forced to flee town before he is captured by the police and wrongfully pegged for the crime.

      Good luck.

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    2. Hey thanks for fleshing out the logline , the motives were a bit loose and story needs tightening .What about the flames from a furnace did you see that one , any i can review for u ? let me know . Alexp

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    3. Penpusher

      Sure. Its starts w/

      A hedonistic med student…

      Cheers

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