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solosammerLogliner
A General in the Olympian Order exacts his vengeance against the corrupt goddess queen of Olympus who killed his family and enslaved him to ten fatal labors.
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You might want to reverse the order of your logline because the logline begins at the end and ends at the beginning.
As Richiev has suggested, maybe reverse the order so it works chronologically as the film would. Check out the “Our formula” page for help with formatting.
You’ve also kinda told us the end. He “exacts his vengeance” – he was successful. A logline shouldn’t tell us the end of the story.
This isn’t really a War film (at least as this current logline stands). War is a state of armed conflict between different countries or different groups within a country. This story is one person exacting revenge on another. I’d say it was more “Action, Adventure, Drama”?as per a film like Gladiator (which has a similar premise).
There’s definitely a story in here but I feel like it’s missing something. The 10 fatal labours sounds interesting so I want to know more about that. I want to know why this general’s family was killed – maybe give us a characteristic that suggests why this goddess is targeting this general.
Hope this helps.
btw if you are talking about Hercules or another mythological character it is okay to say their names, however, if this is a character you made up, then don’t use the name.
The logline has echoes of the story of Hercules in Greek mythology.? I think that corruption is a non issue.? The Olympian gods were all too human in their behavior.? They were not expected to live up to some some platonic ideal of justice and fairness. And most of them didn’t.
Hera drove Hercules mad so that he killed his wife and children? His 10 (or 12 depending on the source) labors were his penance.? Why did Hera drive Hercules mad?? Because Hercules’ father was her husband Zeus; he was the offspring of one of his many, many affairs. Zeus, the top honcho on Mt. Olympus, was a serial rapist and adulterer.
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