A group of Nazi solider’s try to cut off Russian forces by taking a shortcut through an abandoned mine, but something begins to hunt them through the dark tunnels.
Alan SmitheePenpusher
A group of Nazi solider’s try to cut off Russian forces by taking a shortcut through an abandoned mine, but something begins to hunt them through the dark tunnels.
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Agreed with Mike, empathy could be a problem here…
Is there one soldier in particular this story is about? Best to focus the logline on one character instead of a group of characters.
As mikepedley 85 said. Who is the audience supposed to root for, to hope that they survive???
What happens if they fail their mission, Why is the trip through the mine so important?
What’s the inciting incident? It should be when the first person turns up dead in the mine. It’s the event that kick starts the story and the story is about them being hunted.
Does the thing that hunts them relate in any way to them being Nazis? The fact that they’re Nazis needs to be relevant. Why Nazis? Why this time period?
You need a single protagonist ideally. The leader of this group.
You’re also making Nazis the heroes of this story… is that your intention? You have to make the audience empathise with a group of Nazis and want them to survive. That could prove difficult although there are films have Germans in WWII as the protagonists – Das Boot springs to mind. Downfall is another although I’m not sure the audience is ever rooting for Hitler…
If the protagonist is actually the person/thing that is hunting them through the mine, the logline needs to be written from their perspective.
(You don’t need an apostrophe on soldiers btw).