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Gem
Posted: January 18, 20152015-01-18T05:59:08+10:00 2015-01-18T05:59:08+10:00In: Public

A group of quirky, inner-city foster children are forced on the run after being framed for the murder of their abusive guardian, and they must come to terms with the fact one of them is guilty, and another is a rat.

Bad Kids

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    6 Reviews

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    1. [Deleted User]
      2015-01-18T12:07:50+10:00Added an answer on January 18, 2015 at 12:07 pm

      To add to what Nir said, you need to clarify what you mean when you state that one of the kids is guilty.

      To me this means that one of the kids did in fact murder the guardian. And if that’s the case, the group is not actually being “framed” for the murder, because one of them did in fact do it. It would be perfectly understandable then, if anyone else in the group “ratted” him out to prevent the rest of the group from being convicted of murder too. Unless of course they were all in on the murder plot, which means that NONE of them are being framed since they’re ALL guilty. Even so, based on your description of their guardian as being “abusive,” it sounds like they’d have a good defense on the grounds of severe mental and/or physical abuse.

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    2. [Deleted User]
      2015-01-18T12:07:50+10:00Added an answer on January 18, 2015 at 12:07 pm

      To add to what Nir said, you need to clarify what you mean when you state that one of the kids is guilty.

      To me this means that one of the kids did in fact murder the guardian. And if that’s the case, the group is not actually being “framed” for the murder, because one of them did in fact do it. It would be perfectly understandable then, if anyone else in the group “ratted” him out to prevent the rest of the group from being convicted of murder too. Unless of course they were all in on the murder plot, which means that NONE of them are being framed since they’re ALL guilty. Even so, based on your description of their guardian as being “abusive,” it sounds like they’d have a good defense on the grounds of severe mental and/or physical abuse.

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    3. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-01-18T11:15:45+10:00Added an answer on January 18, 2015 at 11:15 am

      This logline describes in broad terms an interesting premise foster children on the run but there are too many descriptions that stifle the story from coming through the logline.

      By group of kids do you mean 2 or more? Is there a reason you have a few main characters and not one? Is this necessary for the story?

      “..quirky, inner-city foster…” as the MC descriptions is vague and lacks a flaw perhaps try something like: misguided or desperate instead.

      When you say one of them is guilty what does that refer to? The murder of the parents? Another crime?
      “…coming to terms with…” is not a visual action that can be depicted with a camera it is not compelling enough to keep an audience watching either. What else can the MCs do to achieve their goal.

      Segue…

      What is the MCs goal? They lack a goal so it’s not clear what they are trying to achieve in this story.

      Are they running away from the police? Angry relatives of the dead parents? Trying to prove their innocence?

      hope this helps.

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    4. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-01-18T11:15:45+10:00Added an answer on January 18, 2015 at 11:15 am

      This logline describes in broad terms an interesting premise foster children on the run but there are too many descriptions that stifle the story from coming through the logline.

      By group of kids do you mean 2 or more? Is there a reason you have a few main characters and not one? Is this necessary for the story?

      “..quirky, inner-city foster…” as the MC descriptions is vague and lacks a flaw perhaps try something like: misguided or desperate instead.

      When you say one of them is guilty what does that refer to? The murder of the parents? Another crime?
      “…coming to terms with…” is not a visual action that can be depicted with a camera it is not compelling enough to keep an audience watching either. What else can the MCs do to achieve their goal.

      Segue…

      What is the MCs goal? They lack a goal so it’s not clear what they are trying to achieve in this story.

      Are they running away from the police? Angry relatives of the dead parents? Trying to prove their innocence?

      hope this helps.

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    5. Lucius Paisley Logliner
      2015-01-18T08:27:51+10:00Added an answer on January 18, 2015 at 8:27 am

      An actual rat?

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    6. Lucius Paisley Logliner
      2015-01-18T08:27:51+10:00Added an answer on January 18, 2015 at 8:27 am

      An actual rat?

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