A high school student becomes an unwitting pawn in a game between two teachers, and she must find a way to outwit them in order for her to get accepted to university.
byron79Logliner
A high school student becomes an unwitting pawn in a game between two teachers, and she must find a way to outwit them in order for her to get accepted to university.
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What game are the teachers playing? How is it related to a student’s being accepted elsewhere? How can she outwit others when she’s unwitting?
You’re describing a conflict without actually telling us what the story is about. It has to be clear, simple, and compelling. Do it without commas to punch it up and keep it flowing forward.
I have to agree with mrliteral, if someone is unwitting, then they don’t know. So the lead doesn’t know she is a pawn. I would just drop the word altogether in the logline, I don’t think it helps the logline and it reads fine without that word.
It’s great but work hard a bit.
Hi Byron,
INTENTION: get accepted into university.
OBSTACLE: two warring teachers.
Let’s dissect it…
When she becomes a pawn between two warring teachers, ** the inciting incident.
a teen must find a way to outwit them in order for her to get accepted into university.
before… *** then what happens? I feel like we’re missing something.
Notes:
“must find a way to outwit them in order… ” – what does she do specifically?
As mrliteral and Richiev said.
If she’s an unwitting pawn, then how does she know she has to outwit them?