Posted: 2012-12-26T16:53:28+10:00 In:

A hopelessly ill-tempered aspiring cop in a crime-infested city is bitten by a vampire, giving him the supernatural powers necessary to defeat the criminals brutally overpowering the local police.

Prince of Darkness (Revised)

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    3 Reviews

    1. The idea was that our hero could never pass the police academy marksmanship exam due to his temper and lack of focus, until he receives supernatural powers from the last vampire. In my story, the modern man’s genes have weakened, causing vampirism to kill the infected host. But our hero is special, and survives the bite, causing the original vampire to gain interest in his life, along with the police force who discover the abnormalities in his blood. Eventually, the bad guys get ahold of the blood and manage to synthetically develop vampires, which should make some good action.

      The script is for an action videogame. Thanks again for the feedback!

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    2. “personally, I?ve seen enough vamps to last me the rest of my life”

      YES and zombies.

      Although this idea could be considered a different take on the Anthony LaPaglia ‘Innocent Blood’, which was quite good.

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    3. Penpusher

      Interesting idea – personally, I’ve seen enough vamps to last me the rest of my life, but everyone else’s appetite for them seems never-ending, so this should do well.

      I think the logline is needlessly complicated. It’s always good to suggest a flaw in your character, but it needs to be a strong flaw that relates to what he’s going to do and what he needs to learn through the course of the story. I’m not sure that “hopelessly ill-tempered” does that job.

      And what is an ‘aspiring’ cop? Has he applied? Is he in training? Has he been turned down for some unfair reason? This makes quite a big difference to how the story plays out.

      Are the criminals vampires too? It feels like they need to be…

      I think you could boil this down to something like “When a rookie cop is bitten by a vampire, he becomes the one officer powerful enough to take on the [vampire?] crime syndicate terrorising the city, but [this is where his flaw or weakness plays out, making it possible he’ll lose] “

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