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BibiPenpusher
? A hypochondriac TV host on the brink of failure must confront his troubled past when the only way to save his show is to go on a road trip with his estranged biological sister to find their birth mother.
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I agree with? Richiev.? ?If a logline has more than one sentence, then the logline is probably too long.
The more measure for me is a logline that exceeds 40 words. (I have yet to encounter a logline for a movie that got made that couldn’t be summarized in 40 words or less.)? That is, a logline should only take 5-6 seconds to read.? And it should make immediate sense.
This logline is 39 words long — almost at the red line.? However, imho, it doesn’t make immediate sense in terms of stating the singular, clearly defined objective goal of the protagonist that drives the action.
I would only suggest that you break it up into two sentences. It’s a bit of a mouthful to get out on an elevator. How about:
A hypochondriac TV host is on the brink of failure. The only way for him to salvage his ratings is to confront his past and go on a road trip with his estranged biological sister to find their birth mother.
Bibi:
Thanks for the further clarifications.
Stripping (butchering?) the plot down to its spine, it seems to me that the guy’s objective goal is to find his birth mother and persuade her to donate a kidney donor for his sister, something he can’t bring himself to do because of his hypochondria.
Bibi:
Thanks for the clarifications.
Pumping up the ratings is a selfish act. Saving his sister isn’t.? So why doesn’t he donate a kidney? It’s a can’t-lose, three-for-one winner. 1] It saves her life; 2] It would end their estrangement; 3] It would boost ratings (arguably more so than finding his birth mom).
How will finding his birth mom save his sister? It seems like a separate goal. What is the primary objective goal that drives the plot?
>>>The audience cares cause the main character cares
and because the protagonist cares for something that’s worth caring about. Saving his sister is worth caring about. Pumping up his ratings, not so much.
>>> the producers of his show want him to do a reality tv show about his own estranged family coming together and reuniting.
Well, then, it’s the producers’ goal — he doesn’t own it. It’s better if the protagonist owns his objective goal, particularly if he undertakes it in spite of what others say, not because of it.
fwiw
Thanks for the reviews and questions, y’all!
The reason why finding his birth mom is the only way to save is show is that his show is about estranged family members coming together (so every episode he has new guests that want to be reunited to family members), and the producers of his show want him to do a reality tv show about his own estranged family coming together and reuniting. The reason for the road trip is that his sister needs a kidney transplant.
I don’t know how to incorporate all this information in a short logline. The logline shouldn’t explain the entire movie I think, but maybe I should incorporate more information…
As far as “And why should an audience want to care whether his TV show succeeds or fails?” – that question could be applied to any movie, so I don’t understand it, really. The audience cares cause the main character cares. Why would an audience care about any character in any movie at all, then?
Thanks for the reviews and questions, y’all!
The reason why finding his birth mom is the only way to save is show is that his show is about estranged family members coming together (so every episode he has new guests that want to be reunited to family members), and the producers of his show want him to do a reality tv show about his own estranged family coming together and reuniting. The reason for the road trip is that his sister needs a kidney transplant.
I don’t know how to incorporate all this information in a short logline. The logline shouldn’t explain the entire movie I think, but maybe I should incorporate more information…
As far as “And why should an audience want to care whether his TV show succeeds or fails?” – that question could be applied to any movie, so I don’t understand it, really. The audience cares cause the main character cares. Why would an audience care about any character in any movie at all, then?
I don’t see the logical cause-and-effect chain between his floundering TV show and the quest. Why is the success of his TV show contingent on his finding his birth mother?? ? Why must his biological sister accompany him? And how does his hypochondria into? it?? And why should an audience want to care whether his TV show succeeds or fails?
Why? What happens that causes ‘the road trip’. How does the road trip relate to saving his show?
?
“When he discovers he needs a liver transplant, a hypochondriac host must…”