Penpusher
Posted: 2017-11-17T01:53:52+10:00 In:

A kind-hearted, school teacher is ready to move into his first home but finds one problem–a woman in a blood-stained nightgown–hiding in the closet.

A kind-hearted, school teacher is ready to move into his first home but finds one problem–a woman in a blood-stained nightgown–hiding in the closet.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Good point raised by Foxtrot25.

      You ended the logline with the inciting incident but failed to describe his goal – the most important thing in a logline. I suggest you restructure the sentence so it starts with the discovery: After a school teacher discovers a woman wearing a blood-soaked nightgown in his new home, he must…

      However, as Richiev pointed out, he can call the cops end of story. What this means is that the concept is lacking obstacles and conflict, why is this a problem for him? What’s stopping him from kicking her out or calling the police?

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    2. Singularity

      “When he discovers a woman in a blood-stained nightgown in his new home, a kind-heated school teacher calls the police and they come and get her.”

      • 0
    3. Uberwriter

      letcon,

      What must the Main Character accomplish in order to beat this woman and survive for another day?

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