“Shining Jewel”
Alan SmitheePenpusher
A law abiding father turns himself in after conspiring to help jewel thieves to pay for his son’s vital medical treatment.
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I am not sure what this story is about, The story begins with the father turning himself in after a jewel heist. Is the story about the trial? Is it about the Jewel thieves attempting to shut up the father? If so that should be in the logline.
Right, I read this and said “Ok, the end.” Where’s the intrigue to keep us going?
OP: Maybe start with his kid getting sick, make him an asset to these jewelry thieves e.g., he’s the shop owner who uses the heist to collect insurance money, etc.
I got a fever… and the only prescription… is more intrigue 😉
BTW: Heist as the genre looks to be a better fit.