A former lone wolf blackwater operative is forced back with his team to stop a terrorist organization from getting a mythological artifact that could destroyed the planet.
LeviathanSamurai
A former lone wolf blackwater operative is forced back with his team to stop a terrorist organization from getting a mythological artifact that could destroyed the planet.
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When a mythological artefact with the cataclysmic capability is stolen by terrorists, a dishonourably discharged U.S. Navy seal must team back with his former team to prevent its activation.
Seems to be telling the same story without the Black Ops and Blackwater confusion. Dishonourable discharged adds tension to the team reunion.
It took me a few seconds to grasp this logline with the phrase ‘forced back’. I read as meaning ‘forced to back away from’. As in ‘they were forced back from the exploding car”.? Also, if they are ‘forced back’ as in ‘forced to return’ then there are even more questions. Forced back from where, to where and by whom. Maybe consider rephrasing this part.
A few thoughts: if he’s a lone wolf, why does he have a team? Do you mean an item that predates known history of man, as in was deposited here from a previous life form??? Also as with a previous comment, why would this be a bad thing?
This might be useful. In a different creative art, my teacher insisted on always knowing ?what you want?, ?why you want it? and ?what happens if you don?t get it.? To be specific with it, ideally, personal so it means something to you or you understand it deeply at least.
For me this applies well to loglining and writing characters in general.
I?d also like to read how they?re stopping them, more specifically.
Regarding your character, what do think of:
disillusioned, ex-[insert favorite type here] operative, turned lone-wolf
I think you mean pre-historic artifact.
There’s a disconnect between the inciting incident – the MC being forced back from retirement, and the goal – finding an artifact. The lack of cause and effect between these two events makes the story feel fragmented.
Can you somehow connect the goal to the MC? Perhaps he is some sort of cliche ‘chosen one’ who is the only person that can carry this item, etc… at least then you have a necessity that makes him need to work again.
Also, the wording is confusing, what does “…blackwater operative…” mean? Do you mean black ops or special forces operative? And how can he be a lone wolf and at the same tima have a team? Either he’s part of a team or a lone wolf.
What are the stakes? What bad thing will happen if the terrorist gets this very vague mythological artifact? (I seem to be saying this a lot lately)