A lonely computer programmer, looking for Mr. Right, must find a way to regain access to the empathetic AI, she inadvertently created, which the government has quarantined and designated a security risk.
byron79Logliner
A lonely computer programmer, looking for Mr. Right, must find a way to regain access to the empathetic AI, she inadvertently created, which the government has quarantined and designated a security risk.
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For me. You need to tie Mr Right and the AI together.
Replace the words and think how it reads. I want to find a Lion so I go and retrieve my lost dog from the pound. These may be related but how.
Answer that ?why? and you are on the start of a good rewrite.
Byron79,
Loglines need to describe the plot in such a way that the sequence of events in the story play out logically and in the correct order in the reader’s mind. In other words, a motivating event happens to a flawed main character who then takes action in pursuit of a goal.
Or, in your case:
After the government quarantines an AI she fell in love with, a lonely computer programmer must hack into a top-secret system to free the love of her life.
As a premise, it sounds good, but good isn’t enough – hacking is probably the most boring action to watch a character do. Why not make it so she has to steal an actual computer or HDD to save the AI from being destroyed? This way, you give the story a more cinematic action and a life and death stake. You could go further and give her a deadline – must save the AI within 7 days or else… give her a ticking time bomb.
“When the government confiscates the empathetic AI she created, a lonely programmer must…”