Once In A Blue Moon
A lonely vacuum salesman, unsure of his true calling, happens upon love and struggles to walk the line between his familiar life and the extraordinary.
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This is just a situation, not a story.
This is just a situation, not a story.
You are right! Thank you :). This is my first log line and I’m very new to screenwriting and creative writing in general but I love storytelling and films. I hope to get better! How is this revised version?
A lonely vacuum salesman, unsure of his true calling, happens upon an exciting new love. As she gradually reveals her troubling past, he struggles to maintain balance between his familiar life and the extraordinary.
You are right! Thank you :). This is my first log line and I’m very new to screenwriting and creative writing in general but I love storytelling and films. I hope to get better! How is this revised version?
A lonely vacuum salesman, unsure of his true calling, happens upon an exciting new love. As she gradually reveals her troubling past, he struggles to maintain balance between his familiar life and the extraordinary.
Most often these days, ‘extraordinary’ seems to be applied to people with superpowers. Does his new love have superpowers, or is she extraordinary in some other way? You need to make the genre you’re writing in clear. Have another go. Good luck.
Most often these days, ‘extraordinary’ seems to be applied to people with superpowers. Does his new love have superpowers, or is she extraordinary in some other way? You need to make the genre you’re writing in clear. Have another go. Good luck.
Hmm, looks lik this woman could/would/should be a ‘femme fatale’.
Hmm, looks lik this woman could/would/should be a ‘femme fatale’.
No superpowers so maybe I need to find better wording…
No superpowers so maybe I need to find better wording…
Hi MusicForte, I’m new to this logline business as well. What I have been learning may be of some use to you as well. Try to have your characters be more active–not passive. happens upon? is passive. What action would we want to see him doing to get this new love? unsure? is passive. How is he handling his uncertainty?
Hope this helps.
Hi MusicForte, I’m new to this logline business as well. What I have been learning may be of some use to you as well. Try to have your characters be more active–not passive. happens upon? is passive. What action would we want to see him doing to get this new love? unsure? is passive. How is he handling his uncertainty?
Hope this helps.
Wouldn’t a “lonely, unsure” salesman jump at the opportunity for change? Seems like you might be stuck between a logline and a movie poster over the word, ‘Extraordinary’. A little better definition of extraordinary would be helpful.
Wouldn’t a “lonely, unsure” salesman jump at the opportunity for change? Seems like you might be stuck between a logline and a movie poster over the word, ‘Extraordinary’. A little better definition of extraordinary would be helpful.
Good advice above I would add though that even in the revised logline you havn’t yet described a plot for a story rather as Richieve said still a situation.
Have a read of Karel’s logline writing guide here:
https://loglines.org/howto/
But in short your salesman (no need for vacuum) needs something to happen to him (either someone else’s action or and event) to push him to want to achieve a tangible goal also best to have an obstacle for achieving it.
What makes him need the goal?
What is his goal?
How will he achieve it?
Hope this helps.
Good advice above I would add though that even in the revised logline you havn’t yet described a plot for a story rather as Richieve said still a situation.
Have a read of Karel’s logline writing guide here:
https://loglines.org/howto/
But in short your salesman (no need for vacuum) needs something to happen to him (either someone else’s action or and event) to push him to want to achieve a tangible goal also best to have an obstacle for achieving it.
What makes him need the goal?
What is his goal?
How will he achieve it?
Hope this helps.
I like your logline. The ‘vacuum’ salesman tells me volumes..and the use of the word ‘extraordinary’ is also ok by me. The impression I have, is that your MC is so underwhelming and ordinary, that it doesn’t take much (particularly not a lady with superpowers) for his life to become extraordinary…just for his life to take an unexpected turn is extraordinary…and his struggle with leaving the familiar…his comfort zone.
I like it!