Logliner
Posted: 2016-08-17T12:58:17+10:00 In:

A persistent class president investigates the disappearances of multiple female students when she discovers the truth behind an admired teacher who, since the death of his family, has kept the students captive, she manipulates him into a trap that leads her to the missing students.

A persistent class president investigates the disappearances of multiple female students when she discovers the truth behind an admired teacher who, since the death of his family, has kept the students captive, she manipulates him into a trap that leads her to the missing students.
Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    6 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Who’s the lead?

      You begin the logline from the perspective of the teacher, the inciting incident is from the teacher’s point of view, but it’s the class president who has the goal? You should write this logline from the characters who’s the lead.

      Hope that helps, good luck with this!

      • 0
    2. Logliner

      Thank you Richiev?for your advice. I appreciate it. How about this, does it work better?

      A persistent class president sets out to uncover the truth about a once adored teacher who since the death of his entire family has kidnapped female students, while captive she manipulates his unstable mind and puts him through the same tests that he gave his innocent victims.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      Your second attempt is better.

      The question, is the story about the class presidents investigation, or is it about the class presidents revenge? That will influence how the logline is written.

      • 0
    4. Logliner

      You are right Richiev.?The story is more about her investigation of the missing students. I would like for her to enact revenge but it is not a main plot point to the whole story. Again, thank you for your help. I hope this next one is even better. If not, I will try again.

      A persistent class president sets out to investigate the disappearances of multiple female students when she discovers the truth behind a once adored teacher who, since the death of his family, has kept the students captive, she manipulates him into a trap that leads her to the missing students.

      • 0
    5. Logliner

      Much better.

      • 0

    6. This tells the story but god is it long. Clear, concise lines are key. Hope this helps.

      • 0