Free Pass
SDMannLogliner
A lowly bartender planning her upcoming marriage has her Celebrity Free Pass, the one famous person she can sleep with without any consequences from her partner, walk into her bar, creating a world of problems for herself when she accepts his advances.
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Hi,
I’ve had a bash at condensing the story. I’m sure this isn’t how you want it to read but gives an idea of how it could be shortened. I like the premise but the logline is just a bit long and difficult to read as it currently stands.
A bartender is given approval to sleep with a Hollywood super star by her fiance only to find her life comes crashing down following the affair.
Good luck
Hi thanks a lot for the response. Yeah it’s lengthy because I thought I would have to briefly define the Free Pass and also that this was a celebrity already established to be her free pass. Additionally, part of the drama comes her trying to hide it from her fiancee initially, so she wouldn’t immediately be honest about what is going on. Maybe, ‘An engaged bartender meets the man who is her Celebrity Free Pass but her life spirals out of control when she secretly accepts his advances’? Any ideas on this would be much appreciated. Thanks again..
Hi,
I think just saying Celebrity Free Pass still doesn’t define it, unless the reader already knows what it is it may still not be clear.
Hmmm, it’s a tricky one.
When a bartender meets the one celebrity her fianc? has given her permission to sleep with, she secretly accepts his advances, causing her life to spiral out of control.
Why not double the fun, double the possibilities? Have both get involved in Celebrity Free Pass flings. Double the complications ensue.
So it’s basically like the movie “Hall Pass” from 2011, but with a celebrity instead of just random women?
My problem with your logline is that it’s WAY too long, and spends all its time setting up what appears to be nothing more than the first act, am I right? Condense it to something like:
“After cheating on her fiance with her celebrity crush, …”
Then what happens? What is the goal, what action does the protagonist take, who is the antagonist, and what is the protagonist’s flaw? I guess the stakes – her relationship with her fiance – are implied.
I know you think that your hook is the idea of the celebrity crush that you’re allowed to sleep with if you ever meet, and that’s gonna be fun stuff to have in the film, but as far as a logline is concerned we don’t need all that information. That’s not what’s going to get someone to invest in your movie, and that’s not what’s going to get someone into the theatre having bought a ticket.
I don’t love the title, but that’s more personal opinion.
Thanks for the feedback, really appreciate it – Yeah I was thinking that it would be different to Hall Pass in that it would not be sanctioned by her partner and that much of the drama would come from her dilemma of whether to reveal it to her husband or not. The stakes are her marriage ending but she can technically pursue the crush and tell her partner without damaging their relationship or try to keep it hidden and risk greater repercussions if it is revealed to him later on, given that she then would have deceived him. I was thinking that if you used a real celebrity there would be humor in there carefully-groomed public appearance being far different from that of their real persona which could be very slovenly, erratic or unstable to the point of putting her in danger. So maybe something like, ‘After sleeping with her Celebrity Free Pass without her husband’s knowledge, a woman’s life is turned upside down when the celebrity is not at all like his public persona and will not give her up’. This then creates the free pass as the antagonist if he is in opposition of her goal of maintaining her marriage. I was also deliberating on whether to have the protagonist be a a man or woman and trying to figure out whether the potential scope of a story like this would work best as a feature length film or more as a plot-line to a half-hour sitcom. Thanks again for the feedback.
A “Celebrity Free Pass” is where the other partner is fully informed and gives his (or her) informed consent. Otherwise, it’s just old-fashioned cheating. What’s so unique and interesting about that?
The novelty of the concept lies in the premise that two hip, broad-minded people think they can handle a “Celebrity Free Pass” situation — and then unexpected emotional complications ensue. Come to find out, they can’t handle it.