Logliner
Posted: 2019-06-13T03:29:03+10:00 In:

A lyncanthropic warrior reluctantly teams with a human princess after a mysterious knight, who slaughtered the warrior’s village years ago, returns and begins attacking humans.

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    8 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Is this script written?

      Or are you just fleshing out the idea before you begin writing the story?

      I only ask because if the story has not been written I would suggest that as a story point: the princess hates werewolves.

      In other words, she believes that werewolves are responsible for the attack on her village but the lead character knows it’s the evil knight.

      At first, she captures the lead character and doesn’t believe he is innocent she believes he attacked her village, but after a while, they reluctantly team up in order to take down the actual bad guy who attacked both villages.

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    2. Singularity

      This version is better than the first version by far.

      Also, mikepedley85’s suggestion is solid.

      • 1
    3. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Whilst the formula suggested on logline is merely a guideline, I do feel like this version would benefit from it. The reason why this formula is so useful is because, chronologically, it follows the story. Starts with the inciting incident (which in your new version is at the end) and then leads into the journey through Act II.

      The protagonist doing something reluctantly… to me this is problematic. Whilst he’s taking action, his reluctance could make the audience wonder why they should care if he doesn’t really want to be there. Obviously, you haven’t stated why he’s reluctant BUT this ambiguity is problematic too.

      I’m guessing their goal is to stop the warrior but you haven’t actually stated that. All we have so far is Act I with the break into Act II being where the warrior teams up with the princess. What happens next? What must they do?

      Why does he need to team up with the princess? Part of me thinks it might be worth leaving this out of the logline and focussing on the hero’s story. With her introduction, it leaves me with a lot more questions that the word count simply won’t allow for.

      Does the story change at all if he’s not a werewolf? I like the idea, I just want to make sure there’s a reason for it.

      When the knight who slaughtered his village years ago returns to wreak havoc again, an impulsive young werewolf must XXXXXXXXX

      Hope this helps.

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    4. Logliner

      This sounds like a good idea that can be put on the screen.

       

      The idea of having a lyncanthropic warrior teaming up with a human princess is interesting, but does the former have a past with the latter or is it their first time meeting in the story?

      Who is this mysterious knight? Is he undead, sharing similar traits to our protagonist, or…?

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