Forget Everything You Know
A man planning to commit suicide becomes the soul survivor of a commercial jet airline crash plus the investigations number one suspect as a terrorist involved in bringing the flight down but most importantly he is reborn, discovering the things in life he previously thought of no value: love, empathy & revolution.
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You logline is a bit wordy. How about something like:
When a suicidal man survives a plane crash, he rediscovers life but he must prove he isn’t a terrorist in order to keep it.
This is a second shot, I noticed I didn’t give an antagonist in my first try:
“When a suicidal man survives a plane crash he rediscovers his love for life but when a desperate homeland security agent claims he’s a terrorist, he must prove his innocence in order to keep it.”
You can see before reading it that it is far too wordy. Half of what you have in there is unneeded, such as the amount of detail on the plane crash. Richiev’s logline above strips it down well and cuts out all the fat that was clogging up your log line. Think of all the elements the log line needs; protagonist, antagonist, stakes, hook, story and remove all overly descriptive text that could easily be written in one word for example; a man planning to commit suicide – to – a suicidal man. Says the same thing and a lot less words.
what about
when a man hoping to die is the only one to survives a plane crash suspicion is raised that he maybe a terrorist. he must now fight for the life he was previously trying to throw away to discover what its really about.
thanx for reading and yes it’s hard to recoil my detail infactuation 😉 but this is great help and much appreciated.
I see you’ve been reading my scripts again LOL. Just kiddin’.
I like how you modified it. very much so. Although that would be great for the predictable/hollywood-ending version the protagonsit(?) in my story becomes what the anagonist(?)(desperate H.S. agent=perfect) claims him to be. my attempt at blurring the line between the two and show how every force creates its opposition,etc. thanx for taking the time to read & write. helpfull, Yes! if you can rewrite with the plot twist your spots reserved in the rolling credits.
Heya, I can see what you’re trying to do, with an outer and an inner journey. My comment is that I’m not precisely sure of the genre. I.e.
Is it mostly psychological/courtroom/police procedural… or is it lots of guns and ammo and action? Also, Is the Agent someone with a brain, like Tommy-Lee Jones in The Fugitive, or a hard-ass with a shotgun and dubious ethics?
Is he a “Detective” or a Manhunter?
Is the protagonist in the courts / prison trying to fight a death sentence, or is he a man on the run?
Should be easy to clarify all this in the logline. I think I get an idea from the posted comments.
Richiev, well done rewrite. I actually like the first one better. The implied (by the word ‘prove’) protagonist is some government official. Actually naming him only improves the logline if there was some sort of ‘catch’. Ex: The real culprit is head of Airport Security. But now we’re headed back into a word count issue.
So my rewrite would be:
When a suicidal man survives a plane crash, he rediscovers life but now must expose the real terrorist in order to keep it.
Seems a little clunky, but something to start with.
I’m not sure what genre it should be in because it could fit in a couple of them. The story takes place in the future 2020. Does that make it
sci-fi? Its more of an adventure, lots of drama & action (?) even funny at times.
It has equel parts of police procedure & criminal activity shuffled between animal magnatism and falling in love. The agent is of middle eastern decent and was bullied in school because of it. so hes kinda got a vendetta, out to prove not all muslims are terrorist. The protagonist is on the run. thanx for taking the time to read,wite & ponder. I wish i could write more about the story so people could respond with rewites more accuratly. cheers.
I was intrigued by your original logline, and after reading Richiev’s 2nd shot logline I’d want to see this. The irony of the suicidal man being the survivor and then being pursued as the possible terrorist makes it intriguing and gripping. I would keep it simple and following this thread. Doesn’t sound sci-fi even tho it is futuristic. Good luck!
Thanx for your input. I’m thinkin it might fall into a
fantasy catagory. due to the continual bizarre circumstances throughout the story. The dialog? somewhat generic, i guess? with a clever flash here & there but the scenes are drenched in symbolism. An easy story to follow for the average viewer. More then they bargained for for any one who reads deeper. Everything on this site have been mighty helpfull. Except wheres Terry Gilliam when you need him?LOL
I like this because we don’t know if he is a repentant terrorist or just a regular Joe who’s finding reasons to live.