Posted: 2013-04-15T21:37:06+10:00 In:

Evading a nationwide manhunt, a twenty-first-century Dr. Jekyll attempts to clear his name before his split personality, Mr. Hyde, assassinates the president of the U.S.A.

An adaptation of Glen Patrick’s: Rewired

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    7 Reviews

    1. A lot here but not sure how it fits together. How is his split personality relevant? Is one personality innocent and the other guilty? One wants to be on the run and the other doesn’t? How is he equipped to pull off a series of supervillain crimes? And once he does why is his innocence of the original crime even relevant anymore? Think you need to clarify. Also tough to see how the ending of this could possibly be bittersweet.

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    2. Singularity

      The logline gives away the ending — “futile attempt”, “bitter-sweet end” — and it’s a downer.

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    3. Thanks for the feedback, brenkilco:

      Nice point on “how is the split personality relevant?”. It is as you said, one is guilty, the other is innocent. His condition and supervillanous abilities are well established within the first 15 pages. I’ll rework the logline to emphasize this fact.

      Perhaps once this is done, it answers your third point “why is his innocence still relevant?”… so again, thank you.

      Ahh yes, the ending… This work is actually an adaptation from Glen Patrick’s, Rewired. The ending had me in stitches, tears and an odd feeling of joy and satisfaction. Bitter-sweet is the best word I know to describe it.

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    4. Thanks for the input, dpg:

      I’m interested to see what others think of your interpretation. To me personally, bitter-sweet implies a dark cloud with a bright silver lining. Sweet and sour. Yin and Yang.

      “Futile attempt” seemed stronger than “desperate attempt”, however you’re right I think, it implies/states that he never proves his innocence… thus giving the whole logline a “downer” feel. I’ll return to the thesaurus.

      Thank you again.

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    5. “Evading a nationwide manhunt, a 21st century Dr. Jekyll
      attempts to clear his name before his split personality,
      Mr. Hyde, assassinates the president of the U.S.A.”

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    6. He shoots… he scores…

      Thanks, Tor Dollhouse:

      Sure you’ve heard this before… you nailed it (hence the update).

      My only concern is, does this imply that the character is actually called Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde? And if so, does that even matter? Considering the only point of a logline is to get the golden response… “send me the script”.

      Thanks again!!

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    7. Singularity

      As revised, not only leaner but a sharper hook; the story boiled down to it’s essential dilemma.

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