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chimaeraLogliner
A married man sees his wife and young daughter suffer physical and mental afflictions in the wake of an ill-fated affair, as unseen forces appear determined to get the truth out.
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Who had the affair?
“After his wife discovers his affair…”
“After he discovers his wife’s affair…”
One more thing, you say… “A married man sees his wife and young daughter suffer…”
This should lead to a goal. What is the lead character’s goal? (And by “What is the lead character’s goal” I mean it should be in the logline)
The logline should be a concise statement of a plot.? This logline sets up a situation for a plot, but it doesn’t follow through with a statement of the plot.
I’m guessing the married man is the protagonist and as such he should be? a proactive character.? Instead the logline casts him in the role of a passive observer, and further as a character who is being acted? upon by “unseen forces” who seem to be driving the plot? Which is the protagonist’s job.
Consult “Our Formula” for guidelines on writing an industry standard logline.