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bomarc
Posted: October 19, 20142014-10-19T10:31:44+10:00 2014-10-19T10:31:44+10:00In: Public

A materialistic real estate agent must convince the ghost of his deceased controlling mother to let him sell the old family house to a yoga teacher he loves.

The Quest. Black Comedy, 30 min tv episodes

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    6 Reviews

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    1. [Deleted User]
      2014-10-19T10:55:02+10:00Added an answer on October 19, 2014 at 10:55 am

      One thing that would help this logline is to include the stakes. What happens if the protag isn’t able to convince his mother to let him sell the house? Will he lose the girl he loves? Will his mother’s ghost torment his soul for eternity? Whatever it is, say it.

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    2. [Deleted User]
      2014-10-19T10:55:02+10:00Added an answer on October 19, 2014 at 10:55 am

      One thing that would help this logline is to include the stakes. What happens if the protag isn’t able to convince his mother to let him sell the house? Will he lose the girl he loves? Will his mother’s ghost torment his soul for eternity? Whatever it is, say it.

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    3. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2014-10-20T08:18:04+10:00Added an answer on October 20, 2014 at 8:18 am

      Sounds like a good idea for a family comedy.

      I would add that this logline could benefit from specifying an inciting incident that prompts him to need to convince the mother’s ghost. This would raise the stakes for him and add weight to his need.

      For example:
      When a materialistic real estate agent falls in love with a poor yoga teacher he must convince the ghost of his controlling mother to let him sell the old family home to her so she can convert it to a yoga studio.

      Hope this helps.

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    4. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2014-10-20T08:18:04+10:00Added an answer on October 20, 2014 at 8:18 am

      Sounds like a good idea for a family comedy.

      I would add that this logline could benefit from specifying an inciting incident that prompts him to need to convince the mother’s ghost. This would raise the stakes for him and add weight to his need.

      For example:
      When a materialistic real estate agent falls in love with a poor yoga teacher he must convince the ghost of his controlling mother to let him sell the old family home to her so she can convert it to a yoga studio.

      Hope this helps.

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    5. 2014-10-20T22:58:08+10:00Added an answer on October 20, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      Yep. Stakes, stakes, stakes….I think Nir nailed it! Thank you guys!

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    6. 2014-10-20T22:58:08+10:00Added an answer on October 20, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      Yep. Stakes, stakes, stakes….I think Nir nailed it! Thank you guys!

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