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bbvaughnPenpusher
Posted: March 12, 20162016-03-12T05:23:18+10:00 2016-03-12T05:23:18+10:00In: Thriller

A meek pharmacist falsely accused of an accidental death has to search for clues to the whereabouts of his kidnapped daughter in the tattoos of customers of a tattoo artist, who abducted her as revenge, before time runs out.

A meek pharmacist falsely accused of an accidental death has to search for clues to the whereabouts of his kidnapped daughter in the tattoos of customers of a tattoo artist, who abducted her as revenge, before time runs out.
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    3 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2016-03-12T05:42:00+10:00Added an answer on March 12, 2016 at 5:42 am

      The logline sets up two goals for the pharmacist:?exonerate himself as murder suspect and find his daughter.??? A logline should describe only one objective goal.?? Any other goal is a sub-goal, a?milestone along the way, a means to the ultimate end, that one objective goal.? Which is okay for the full story, but extraneous to a logline.

      So which one of these??goals is the?central goal of the story?? What is the?more important and necessary of the two?for the pharmacist to resolve?

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    2. Sumi Logliner
      2016-03-12T20:00:40+10:00Added an answer on March 12, 2016 at 8:00 pm

      I like this log line. It clearly describes a single goal (find the daughter) with the sub-goal serving as a constraint to the first.

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    3. FFF Mentor
      2016-03-12T21:28:35+10:00Added an answer on March 12, 2016 at 9:28 pm

      Hello, I think there s a story here! A good one! I ?understand dgp’s point about the need of 1 goal, but in my opinion the problem is just in the writing form, not in the structure of the story. In other words, I don t think this logline is well written but you have all the elements so it s just a matter of working with the words to make clear that the main goal is to find the daughter using the tattoos and at the same time he needs to escape from the police. And i feel like in the end, he s really responsible for the death of his patient, maybe someone related with the tattooo artist? I would peek an anesthetic doctor rather than a pharmacist, with drug problems too. And he can use his drug skills to get informations for his quest. Anyway, i think you should polish your logline. I m positive about the fact that the kidnapping and the accidental dezth must be subtely linked to have a killer logline.
      One ladt thing, you have no idea about how many daughters have been kidnapped on this website, and how many falsely accused men, so be sure to use this cliches in a clever way. I think that theese elements can work in yor story but be carefull.

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