PINK LEMONADE ACT I
Looking for constructive criticism
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A very important element is missing from this logline. That is, ‘the lead character’s goal’
What does the businessman hope to achieve by entering the tower?
And what event stets the story into motion?
Here is a logline attempt, however, mine is a little long, and had to guess at some stuff, but I hope it helps:
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“When he discovers his business is about to go under, a materialistic businessman enters THE TOWER; a deadly seven-floor maze, if he succeeds, he will receive enough wealth to save his business, but if he fails he will lose out on all the things he is just now realizing are truly important.”