Logliner
Posted: 2016-06-19T10:01:50+10:00 In:

A mild mannered accountant accidentally kills a mob boss in a hit and run and must escape or be killed.

A mild mannered accountant accidentally kills a mob boss in a hit and run and must escape or be killed.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Escape to where?

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      It would help if he wasn’t responsible for the mob boss’ death, this way he could be thrown into the situation with a better inciting incident. Right now the inciting incident is of his own doing, and normally it’s better to have the inciting incident happen to the main character out of his or her control.
      What if he is framed for the murder by a rival syndicate? This way his goal can be to prove his innocent to the, draconian law governed, mafia world.

      • 0
    3. Samurai

      Hey RichW,

      Your logline is straight to the point – no issue there.

      I notice you have it assigned under Thriller; it initially strikes me as a Comedy. I chuckled a good bit, visualizing the scene in my head.

      Also, I mentioned in the beginning that you were straight to the point. It can still use some clarity where there is needed. Particularly where Richiev asked escape to where. Are you trying to say he must escape the scene of the accident, or implying that he must go on the run? ?You want to have certain questions already answered.

      Understandably, it’s easy to overlook some of the simplest yet crucial mistakes, and you most likely won’t catch it until after the fact. Just be aware and keep at it, and at it, and at it.

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