A mild mannered accountant accidentally kills a mobster in a hit and run accident and must escape the mob?s revenge and another mob?s quest to silence him as he hightails it with the dead mobster?s wayward wife and two bratty kids to safety in the Arizona desert.
RichWLogliner
A mild mannered accountant accidentally kills a mobster in a hit and run accident and must escape the mob?s revenge and another mob?s quest to silence him as he hightails it with the dead mobster?s wayward wife and two bratty kids to safety in the Arizona desert.
Share
Great advice: ?the “one-breath rule”.
As FFF said, the logline ?juggles too many balls, too many jokes. ?A good logline for a comedy is about one Big Joke that the rest of the story builds on with riffs and mixes to a climactic button scene.
Like “Tootsie” where the Big Joke is ?an?unsuccessful actor disguises himself as a woman to ?get a role in a soap opera. Everything else, all the complications, mishaps, all the comedy build on that ?Big Joke.
What’s the one Big Joke in this premise on which the rest of the story builds?
The boss of this website once gave us a logline ‘checklist’ and one point was ‘if you cant read it in one breath, there’s a problem’.
There are too many ‘and’… ‘and must escape’ ?’and another mob?s quest’ ‘and two bratty kids’…
Anyway, I like the idea of a movie starting with an ordinary man killing a mobster in a car accident and being involved in a mob war.