A moderately overweight grant writer fights with her deep seeded insecurities when she encounters unlikely mentor that encourages her to abandon her life-long obsessive dieting and gain enough confidence reignite a spark in her lackluster marriage.
klh099Penpusher
A moderately overweight grant writer fights with her deep seeded insecurities when she encounters unlikely mentor that encourages her to abandon her life-long obsessive dieting and gain enough confidence reignite a spark in her lackluster marriage.
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A worthy challenge.
But why did the spark go out in the marriage?? Hate to say it, but the hard truth is that a? woman’s weight is a, uh, a weighty issue for some husbands.? {And need I mention the double standard of how many husband’s waist lines expand after the honeymoon?) How have you built a credible scenario in which gaining confidence in her mind overcome the bias in his?? How does a work mentor fix his problem?? Implicit in your premise is the idea that it’s not really her fault to begin with.? The guilt and shame may be hers, but? doesn’t the blame lies elsewhere?
More generally, a logline is a statement of an objective goal, not of a subjective need (even though the latter is implicit in the former).? Why?? Because film is a visual medium.? So whatever the protagonist is struggling to accomplish needs to be stated in terms of a person, place , thing or event that can be visualized.? “Fights with her deep seeded insecurities ” states her emotional problem — but what’s the visual on that?? What does it look like translated into action and dialogue?
And what objective goal does it incite her to pursue?? ?How does “reignite a spark” , translate into a specific visual cue that tells the audience she has succeeded?
Thanks for the clarification.
However, I still don’t have a focus on the action line that moves the story forward.? “She refuses to take another step in life until she fixes her confidence issues which she thinks is all about her weight. ” — again, what’s the visual?? What is her game plan to fix her confidence issues?
Like, maybe she decides to build her confidence by taking up rock climbing. Without a rope – free soloing. Okay, that’s an over the top example. But I trust it illustrates the point I’m trying to make. What’s her m.o., her proactive game plan to overcome her insecurities?
What’s her secret dream?? The one thing she’s always wanted to do but never had the courage to attempt? (Is she content to be a grant writer for the rest of her working life?)
Who is the lead character? It seems as though it is the mentor driving the action, not the overweight grant writer.
I want to know more about the mentor. It seems like this is that person and their friendship is what will make the story interesting. Like is the mentor a drag queen? Someone else interesting? Maybe I?m not really seeing this as a romance but more a buddy story. Where both those characters learn from each other/grow.
?A woman desperately wants to reignite the spark in her marriage and thinks getting thin is the answer. Then she meets X and learns true self-confidence.?