Charlie’s Shoes
A neurotic writer attempts to break his noncompliant brother out of jail while still trying to preserve a relationship with his psychotic wife.
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How don’t you understand what the story is? It’s really just about him breaking his brother out of jail while still trying to stay with his wife ( the writer is married to the psychotic, which I changed to bipolar. ) His brother doesn’t live where he does, so he’s away from his wife for a while.
Yes he was jailed unjustly, his doppelganger robbed a bank and he was framed. There’s no plan after the break out. They end up going to their parents house. I don’t get the police involved after the break out because I didn’t want to focus on that.
The bipolar wife, has been dating the writer since high school, which is when the story starts. He loves her even though she is crazy.
The inciting incident is when the two brothers get in a fight over the bipolar girl when they were young. The brother who goes to jail, starts going down the wrong path after the fight with his brother. They end up not speaking for years, until he asks his brother to break him out of prison.
I have another logline, but I believe it to be too long.
It’s – A neurotic writer struggles to fix two failing relationships, one with his bipolar wife, and the other with his noncompliant criminal brother. He must do everything in his power to save both relationships, even if it means breaking his brother out of prison.
Not sure if it’s better so let me know!
Well, I must say this writer is unfortunate to be surrounded by dysfunctional people! 🙂
I don’t really understand what the story is, here. I get that it may be suspenseful to see someone trying to free his brother from jail.
But why?
Was he jailed unjustly? And for what reason? What is the plan after getting the brother from jail? Surely the authorities will come after him.
And what does the psychotic wife have to do with it all? Also, Is she married to the writer or the brother?
Finally, I’m a sucker for Inciting Incidents. I would like to know what sparked these events. Is the inciting incident the jailing of the brother or something else?
While answering these questions in your new version of the logline (to be posted here as a comment), perhaps have a look at the tips on writing loglines in the section “Write It”.