Logline
A neurotic writer struggles to deal with two failing relationships between his difficult criminal brother, who he breaks out of prison, and his psychotic wife.
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Okay, some interesting relationships there. What I think you’re missing in the logline is a strong goal for the protagonist, which will hint at what drives the action of the film. For example, is his goal to smuggle his brother out to somewhere with no extradition, and also divorce his wife; or to prove his brother’s innocence and also get back together with his wife; or…? If you see what I mean.
He wants to fix the relationship with his wife and at the same time break his brother out of prison. How do you think I could add his goal in there?
A neurotic writer struggles to fix two failing relationships between his difficult criminal brother, who he breaks out of prison, and his psychotic wife.
Is that better?
How about something along the lines of: A neurotic writer finds his attempts to patch up his relationship with his psychotic wife complicated when he suddenly has to break his lifelong criminal brother out of prison
Or: A neurotic writer must break his career criminal brother out of jail *and* repair his relationship with his psychotic wife before [impending deadline]
Neither of those are perfect, but you see what I mean about giving a sense of what will actually happen during the movie…?
I think what debbiemoon is saying is right. In the log line you’ve written it sounds like he has already broken his brother out of prison or that it is a small job. If the story is about him breaking the brother out whilst trying to patch up problems with his wife, you should write it more how debbiemoon suggests as it implies the relationship building with his wife is interrupted because he has to break his brother out of prison.
I’m intrigued to know all the relationships and how they connect. Could it be that his psychotic ex-wife gives him a deadline to patch up their relationship in an unreasonable way, whilst at the same time he has to break his brother out before he is placed on death row? He then has the dilemma of which one to go for. I’m sure he will try both at first but I presume he helps his brother which could ultimately make him realise his wife isn’t worth his time??
I think you have something there but the log line doesn’t give us much at the moment. The ‘who he breaks out of prison’ needs to be reworded as at the minute it sounds minimal and shouldn’t if that is what the story is about.
Hope this helps
Breaking him out of prison is a small job. The story is more about the relationships between each character… He still loves his wife regardless of how psychotic she is, he wants to stay with her. And when he goes to break his brother out of prison his wife says she wants a break because he left her for his criminal brother.
I think the first one is leading me on the right track. Thanks for your help!