Penpusher
Posted: 2015-08-21T15:24:38+10:00 In:

A new foster mother, walks away from her last hope of being a parent, when her teenager drives her uninsured car into the neighbour?s house.

Uninsured

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    3 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      The plot isn’t clear.

      Does she walk away because the teenager is a bad seed or because she goes bankrupt from having to pay for the car and the neighbor’s property? Does social services think she is unfit?

      • 0
    2. Penpusher

      I agree with the above comment – it seems like we jump in at the end of the story, or that it’s thin on content.

      A simple fix for this logline might be to make it more active.

      Consider:
      “A new foster mother clutches to her hope of being a parent, which is jeopardized when her teenager wrecks their uninsured car.”

      • 0
    3. Penpusher

      The problem with this logline is doesn’t really suggest enough to fill 120 pages of script.

      If the mother walks away then that is the end of the film? Rather than her walk away, make her take action and confront the issues with a determination to prove she CAN be a good foster parent despite the setback of the crashed car. Is it her car of ‘her’ daughter’s car?

      Also not very clear in terms of:

      – is she a single parent?
      – is the car hers or her foster child (male or female)?

      So as an example of how the logline could read is:

      A single mum in the process of fostering a teenage girl, must convince social services she is a capable mum despite her life unravelling around her.

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