Untitled SHORT
shaanklePenpusher
A newly telepathic psychiatrist takes matters into his own hands when he detects his patient?s increasingly abusive marriage.
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Love the idea of a telepathic therapist but I would’ve played the idea for comedy not for drama but this is very interesting would love to see this as a finished short!
I used detects because I felt it most clearly described that he deduced it from the use of his powers. The patient keeps the abuse a secret.
Obviously this is just a logline, so I cannot fit the answers to all those questions without making it ridiculously long and wordy.
I forgot to add that bit. The logline should have been:
“A newly telepathic psychiatrist takes matters into his own hands to save his patient when he detects her increasingly abusive marriage.”
What is the MC’s flaw? What must he overcome in his journey?
Helping a patient is the basic function of a psychiatrist so the logline describes nothing we couldn’t already expect. What could make this more interesting is a personal stake or character flaw for the MC to have or overcome.
Hope this helps.
Why does it take some supernatural hocus-pocus for the shrink to get involved? Simple human empathy isn’t enough?
And what does “take matters into his own hands” mean? It’s general, vague. The logline should be specific: what does he decide to do about the abuse?
It’s not clear what “taking matters into his own hands” is. You can be more specific. Also the use of the word “detects” is strange. Is the patient not up front with his shrink about being abused? Why is he in therapy?
What matters? He only has one patient? Isn’t it his job to be aware of such things even without telepathy? Why is it important that he’s just gained this ability? What is the main focus of the story? What’s at stake for him? How does his life change due to this event? Are there issues only with your logline or the whole story?