Untitled (For a spec pilot)
JBalmerPenpusher
A notoriously misogynistic 1940?s Texas police sheriff, awakens from a coma to discover that he is being haunted by the spirits of history?s most infamous women, who are on a mission to alter his chauvinistic ways during which they assist him in solving criminal cases.
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Heya,
I love many of these elements and the general concept.
Suggest thinking carefully about a plotline involving “Sheriff goes into coma. Sheriff comes out of coma. Sheriff starts seeing ghosts. Sheriff denies that he’s seeing ghosts. Sheriff accepts that their are actually ghosts”. That’s 5-10 minutes of “shoe leather”.
Possible alternative… one day. Out of nowhere, A woman comes to town. She’s different. She doesn’t take the Sheriff’s crap. She helps the Sheriff start solving crimes, they conflict, but work together somehow.
Only later in the film (possibly the half-way point as a mid-point reversal) is it revealed that she is a ghost.
Also suggest focussing on a goal for the sheriff. Unless this is a TV series, instead of “solve criminal cases”, pick one case “Solve the murder of … ”
Let’s try “In the 1940s, A misogynistic sheriff must catch a serial killer, assisted by the ghosts of history’s most infamous women”. (Am sure you can improve this)
Maybe start out with only one infamous woman from the past. If a series, than perhaps a different woman each episode.
That’s the plan, to feature different women each episode.
I still don’t get it.
What are these women infamous for: killing, rebelling, …?
Is there a reason why ghosts come to him?
Did he had a near-death experience? Is he psychic?
Why are they helping him? Is the objective to show him the error of his way?
Also in the 1940’s misogyny was de rigueur.
So unless there is another element inciting him to change, why would he want/need to change?
The women are infamous for a variety of things. I mean women like Cleopatra, Ching Shih, and Locusta. The visiting ghost will be determined by the case he is working on that particular week. Sometimes the same ghosts will hang around for multiple episodes.
He was attempting to rape a woman. She was able to stop him by hitting him in the head with a bottle. So he is recovering from a head trauma when the ghosts begin appearing to him.
They are helping him to see the power and the strength of women.
I know misogyny was customary during this period, which is why I chose it. He?s the hero of the town, but he is kind of the anti-hero of the show. If his behavior can be altered by these women, maybe he can help other men see the errors of their ways. It?s a learning thing, it?s a growing thing.
Without even reading it, I can see that the logline is too long.
You haven’t identified a clear goal for your protagonist; in fact, this changing stable of ghost-women is described as coming to help him solve cases – so THEY have something to do, but right now, he’s just doing his job. I liked someone’s idea earlier that there’s a particular case that needs solving; provided his motivation for solving it becomes primal (not just because it’s his job – like, it’s a relative or lover), and finally the stakes of failure need to be clearer.
I admit I don’t know the first thing about writing a logline for television, but this pitch is essentially “A misogynist Sherriff teams up with the ghosts of history’s most famous women to solve crimes.” That’s the core concept, right?
I understand the irony of a misogynist being paired with strong women, but I guess WHY do they come to him? WHY would they want to help? The logic isn’t sound enough for me at this stage …
Spirits of history?s most infamous women???
This line confuses me. Despite the fact you should have one specific woman who grows and changes along with the lead character. Why infamous woman? Are you talking Bonny from Bonny and Clyde? Lizzy Borden? Squeaky Fromme? Bloody Mary?
These are some of the most infamous women in history.
I have the same questions as to the logic of the premise Nicholasandrewhalls and Richiev. Of all the misogynists in all the gin joints in the world — er, sheriff’s offices — why do these ghosts visit this particular one?
Back to the drawing board I go!