So Help Me
Alan SmitheePenpusher
A pathological liar is subpoenaed to testify in a murder trial against his only friend.
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You got some really good inputs from everybody but your logline sure trigger my imagination. Keep working on it!
You got some really good inputs from everybody but your logline sure trigger my imagination. Keep working on it!
Flaw and gender are definitely clear… “pathological liar” and “HIS only friend” clear those up. i agree about character information. my intended conflict was that he has to tell the truth in this situation, which conflicts himself psychologically (because he is a pathological liar) and his only friendship (against his friend) but that totally didn’t come across so i understand the confusion. any suggestions would be appreciated 🙂
Flaw and gender are definitely clear… “pathological liar” and “HIS only friend” clear those up. i agree about character information. my intended conflict was that he has to tell the truth in this situation, which conflicts himself psychologically (because he is a pathological liar) and his only friendship (against his friend) but that totally didn’t come across so i understand the confusion. any suggestions would be appreciated 🙂
oh jeez you’re right. thank you. He would totally lie and get his friend off.
oh jeez you’re right. thank you. He would totally lie and get his friend off.
As Nick said hard to understand the conflict but also the MC description is not clear. We don’t know the MCs position in society, cultural background, flaw and we don’t even know the MC sex.
The result is a miss understood protagonist’s motivation and conflict.
You don’t need to put all the detail above in a logline but only the crucial description of the MC that would explain what the stakes and obstacles are for him or her.
Courtroom drama’s are notoriously hard to make exciting so the motivations and stakes have to be perfectly designed to maintained an interest throughout the whole story.
Hope this helps.
As Nick said hard to understand the conflict but also the MC description is not clear. We don’t know the MCs position in society, cultural background, flaw and we don’t even know the MC sex.
The result is a miss understood protagonist’s motivation and conflict.
You don’t need to put all the detail above in a logline but only the crucial description of the MC that would explain what the stakes and obstacles are for him or her.
Courtroom drama’s are notoriously hard to make exciting so the motivations and stakes have to be perfectly designed to maintained an interest throughout the whole story.
Hope this helps.
“where” not “were”
“where” not “were”
I think it works well with the title. I see a guy who can clear his friend with the truth but he can’t help but embellish it to the point were no one believes him. That I see that and Nicholas doesn’t shows that there is a problem with the logline … especially if I’m way off base. The thing is you don’t want anyone to have to guess what the story is about or even the genre – which also isn’t clear.
I think it works well with the title. I see a guy who can clear his friend with the truth but he can’t help but embellish it to the point were no one believes him. That I see that and Nicholas doesn’t shows that there is a problem with the logline … especially if I’m way off base. The thing is you don’t want anyone to have to guess what the story is about or even the genre – which also isn’t clear.
I don’t understand the conflict here … he’s just going to lie right? So his friend will get off? What’s the character’s dilemma?
I don’t understand the conflict here … he’s just going to lie right? So his friend will get off? What’s the character’s dilemma?