Penpusher
Posted: 2020-02-18T04:53:11+10:00 In:

A pizza delivery driver that resents Superheroes, is inadvertently stuck protecting one when the worlds greatest supervillain arrives in his city during a typical afternoon shift.

A pizza delivery driver that resents Superheroes, is inadvertently stuck protecting one when the worlds greatest supervillain arrives in his city during a typical afternoon shift.?

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    10 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      I’d study “The Boys” the TV show to make sure your premise isn’t too similar to it. It’s also a guy who hates superheroes because they accidentaly killed his girlfirend, and in the end he grows a connection with one of them despite it.

      • 0
    2. Penpusher

      I agree with the other posters about clarifying the “fatally injured superhero” part. Overall, I just wanted to say that it’s definitely an engaging logline.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      Again thanks for the clarification:

      Then I would suggest the logline needs to clearly indicate that he must help the superhero in spite of his feelings because he does have skin in the game, after all.? Because of the stakes:? if he doesn’t get involved, then it’s not just the superhero who will die, so will innocent people, and so will the protagonist.

      • 0
    4. Singularity

      Carl_Barnes:

      Okay. Thanks for the clarification.? I have another question pertaining to the present tense of the story:

      If he initially starts out resenting superheroes — why does he end? up helping one anyway?? Why MUST he help him despite how he feels?? Why doesn’t he refuse to get involved — just leave the superhero to the non-tender mercies of the super villain??? After all, he doesn’t seem to have a dog in the fight.

      Why MUST he,? WHY will he get involved?

      ?

      • 0
    5. Singularity

      Carl_Barnes:

      I? occasionaly ask for backstory information not necessarily because I think it needs to be in the logline but to better understand the story you have in mind and to provide informed feedback.

      Right now resentment seems to be his character flaw.? It poses a dangling question in readers’ mind.? I’m guessing? later or sooner the plot will reveal why and eventually resolve? — it seems to pertain to his character arc.

      So what’s the backstory?? Why does he have an ax to grind against superheroes?

      (P.S. When you finally field the logline to market the script,? I urge you proofread for grammar.? For instance, it should be “driver who” not? “driver that”.? First impressions are everything.)

      • 0
    6. Singularity

      “When the world’s greatest superhero is critically wounded, a Pizza delivery guy, whose dad died when a superhero failed to save him, must keep the wounded crime-fighter hidden from the Supervillain who is out to finish the job.”

      • 0
    7. Samurai

      I agree with the other comments, additional thoughts are:

      • Have you seen Bad Boys? ?It’s a series set in a world where superheroes exist and everyone loves them but when one accidentally kills an innocent girl, her boyfriend joins a team bent on taking the heroes down/exposing them (from memory!)
      • Maybe your MC has also had some bad experience that was covered up/not taken seriously? ?This would give him a reason for resentment and add conflict when he is forced to protect a hero?
      • Why he has to protect the hero is crucial – the hero must be powerless or unconscious? ?Or at least seriously reduced in power… maybe all they have is their experience and can act as a mentor type figure? ?Also, he needs a motive to protect the hero? ?Is the nemesis threatening another family member caught up in their sparring matches and he can’t lose anyone else? ?Is protecting the hero the only option to protect something (or someone) else he holds dear?
      • What is the protagonist’s arc? ?Does the hero make him see beyond his resentment? ?Does he realise the hero’s life is not all it’s made out? ?Does the hero help the protagonist become a non-powered superhero himself?
      • Why is he a pizza delivery guy? ?Is there some occupation that would give him a special angle and provide unique skills that help take down the villain?
      • 0
    8. Logliner

      I would like to understand why he resents superheroes. The conflict is going to be centred around this, so it will need to sustain it for a solid part – if not most – of the 2nd act.

      • 0
    9. Singularity

      Suggest it might be more interesting if he doesn’t believe in super heroes.? He ridicules those who do, who are fans of the movies and magazines.

      And then…

      One challenge is to come with a brand new super hero and a brand new super villain.? Got ones in mind? What are there unique powers that differentiates them from characters in the existing Marvel and D.C. universes? You can’t use or imitate those? characters — they are trademarked and fiercely defended by a legion of lawyers.

      Just saying.

      • 0
    10. Singularity

      How can a pizza delivery driver protect a superhero from a supervillain? Based on the logline, there?s nothing wrong with the superhero, so since he has super powers (and the pizza delivery driver doesn?t) surely the superhero should be protecting, not just the driver, but the whole city. I feel like there?s a key piece of information missing.

      Scrap ?during a typical afternoon shift?. Everything that happens in a film is about taking the characters out of the ordinary.

      I like the idea of a normal person having to protect a superhero but it?s gotta make sense. There?s got to be a reason why he can?t. I think this is fundamental to understanding this story.

      • 0