A poor but athletic and mentally strong Sioux tribe heads to Manhattan to destroy a billion dollar hedgefund company in order to give back the land to ten thousands of native americans and american citizens who lost their houses during the financial crisis.
redredredLogliner
A poor but athletic and mentally strong Sioux tribe heads to Manhattan to destroy a billion dollar hedgefund company in order to give back the land to ten thousands of native americans and american citizens who lost their houses during the financial crisis.
Share
Joseph Stalin once said, “When writing a logline, you kill one person, it’s a tragedy, kill a million and it’s a statistic” (I think he said that anyway)
In a logline, it helps to put a face to the tragedy. It draws people into the story.
Agreed with Richiev and Craig. The action that leads the MC to victory is what will make this an interesting story. Secondly, it would strengthen the logline if you describe the inciting incident first, for example: After losing his land in the global financial crisis, a Sioux Chief must…
I’ll also add that “…Sioux…” is unclear a description – there are many people who will likely not be familiar with this particular tribe. I think just Chief would do, perhaps add a flaw to give him depth.
The ?destroy? is the story. How is he going to do it? Can you tell us, that will impact the feedback.
I don’t think destroying the hedge fund company would get the land back.
However, the overall idea is alright. You should have a lead character who lost something personal and then give a face to the bad guys,
—–
“After losing his ancestral land, a Sioux chief rallies his tribe to take down the corrupt hedge fund manager who deceived?him and his fellow native American out of their land.”