Senora’s Coma
ChristopherPenpusher
A coma patient has an out of body experience, and her spirit must reach her ancestral plot to enter Heaven, before the “Slow-Walker” takes her to Hell.
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You’re starting to over complicate your logline. Keep it clean and simple, so someone reads it and with no prior frame of reference, can understand what your film is about.
What does it mean “to fulfill her destiny”? What are we seeing? What is the specific action or act that will fulfill said destiny?
How do you show someone visually and cinematically forgiving themselves?
You’ve got a goal; get to her ancestral plot. Why is that a difficult task for her to achieve?
You’ve got an antagonist; “the Slow-Walker” (although, if she’s got to beat this character in some sort of a race, his name is failing to strike fear into the heart of the reader). What is this character doing to stop your pro-ordained Christian from getting to their ancestral plot?
I can’t catch a break, but, I won’t give up.
That’s right man! And don’t forget, everything you hear from us is, ultimately, opinions. Some might be correct, but nonetheless, it’s up to you to decide how you will or won’t write your logline 🙂
“Accusing her father of betrayal” is vague. Betrayal of what?
Whatever, I suggest simplifying her guilt complex: focus on one major issue, not two.
And what does guilt look like, anyway? How do you visualize it on a screen?
What exactly does she do out of guilt that she needs to stop doing? Or what exactly does she not do out of guilt that she needs to do? IOW: what is her objective goal to heal her subjective wound?
My brain hurts.
How do you visualize a theme? I think that’s my mistake.
What is the theme?
1. It’s “out-of-body experience, not “outer body experience.”
2. How’s this?
“During an out-of-body experience, a guilt-ridden businesswoman fights to reach her ancestral plot and enter heaven against a demon sent to imprison her in hell.”
I avoided the phrase “drag her to hell” because of the movie titled Drag Me To Hell.