A pugnacious princess from a dimension of ghouls gets banished to Earth for her constant mayhem to live with a cowardly nerd she protects.
robertmisirianPenpusher
A pugnacious princess from a dimension of ghouls gets banished to Earth for her constant mayhem to live with a cowardly nerd she protects.
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Good observations by the others.? And Richiev’s suggested logline points to what I think is a principal problem, the lack of a plot with a character arc.? In the original logline, she’s cast down to earth and then what follows seems to be episodic:? Protect the nerd.? Reboot in the next episode.? Protect the nerd again. Reboot, protect the nerd again.? It seems like she’s trapped in an endless “Groundhog Day” loop the difference being to no ultimate, overarching thematic purpose.
Well, isn’t that the way “The Simpsons” series works?? Nobody learns anything that sticks from one episode to the next and that hasn’t deterred it from being the most popular and long running animation series in TV history.? But “The Simpsons” is a comedy series–that’s standard issue for the genre? — and it’s hook is that it is also social satire.
Here would be an example of a script where the lead has a goal and there is something at stake:
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“When she is banished to this dimension by an evil goblin warlord, a pugnacious princess must protect a genius science nerd who is the only one who can reopen the gateway between worlds, and return her to her former kingdom.”
This is suffering from ?first act focus?. Great setup but what is the movie.
If someone knew the setup, what would be the second thing you tell them about your story?
I think it is not telling what the story is about. I have no idea what the story is about.
I assume that it is about a princess who is banished to earth but why?
Where is the conflict? I think if you went with something like:
After accidently destroying her home planet an alien princess is now forced to find a new life on earth as a human woman.
A bit wordy but the premise is hard to be honest.
Second question: Why must she protect the nerd? The answer to this question should lead the reader to understand what’s at stake. What bad thing will happen if the nerd dies or is captured?
(This should be concise and added to the logline)
I think it would help if there was a main bad guy. Someone who directs the monsters. They don’t have to be in every episode but an antagonist who is always plotting and planning. Maybe someone from her dimension.
What is the main conflict?